Running With the Devil
by Browneyes916
Summary: Tommy -27- finds himself associating within the wrong crowd of people, putting his health and possibly life at risk as he battles his inner demons, while Jude -20- struggles to maintain hold of their relationship and to keep Tommy from fading away.
1. Prologue

**NOTE: This story will contain "adult" themes...mild sexual content -if it becomes more "mature" while still staying within the guidlines- I'll let you know, mature language/content and drug usage.**

**The story will be told from Jude's point of view -later some of it will be in Tommy's-, In the event that the change occurs, it will be properly indicated at that time. There will be character's from Instant Star used in the story as well as character's I have completely made up. I will let the story unfold itself and the character's will be introduced as it does. Flashbacks will be noted in italics.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Instant Star characters, and any "borrowed" material used within the story will be credited when and where it is due.**

Prologue

I can remember all the times I had come home from the studio, it had become a solo effort on my part without him to finish my music, and I would always find him sitting in our living room with a small group of people, sitting in a surrounding circle around our wooden coffee table; all of their usual material scattered about. I had begun to become accustomed to it since it had become a daily routine. Inside, I had started to wonder about how strong of a hold the drugs had on him—how his love for them, seemed to outweigh his love for me. He wasn't the Tom Quincy I remember him being anymore, he was now someone I no longer recognized.

But this time…this was different than the other times. That night as I walked tiredly down the hall to our apartment, I stopped for a moment, not hearing the usual ruckus shocked me. I reached out to turn the knob, finding it unlocked like usual wasn't surprising, but what _was _surprising was that his "friends" weren't there this time, and Tommy hadn't been in sight. Normally I would have been relieved, but I had the strangest feeling crawling through my veins, felt this sickness rising within the pit of my stomach.

Our apartment was dark; however, I hadn't bothered to flick the light on as I made my way inside. I hadn't even bothered to shut the door behind me as I entered. I moved further into the apartment, guided by the minimal amount of lighting that peeked through our blinds from the city lights outside.

"Tom," I called out cautiously, as I made my way further inside hesitantly. I wanted to assume, even _hoped, _that maybe…just maybe, he had stepped out with his buddies for a drink or a quick fix elsewhere. I begged and pleaded with God quietly within my head for him to be okay, for this not to be the day I had been dreading…the day I had hoped I could have put off. But it _was _that day, and my worst fears were a reality.

I stopped in my tracks suddenly, I couldn't move a muscle, I didn't want to. I hadn't even realized I wasn't breathing until I finally took those few dreadful steps towards the open bathroom door. There he was, my Tommy. My _everything_ was lying still on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor. It wasn't until that moment that I released a breath, or rather a loud gasp, followed by my gut wrenching scream as I rushed inside and dropped down beside Tommy, my bag falling with me; it's contents scattering all about. I scrambled for my phone on the bathroom tiles through my sobs, my shaking hands making it nearly impossible for me to grasp it. I flipped it open and through the blur of my tears I dialed _9. 1. 1. _

That was the moment entire world, came crashing down on me.


	2. Chapter One

Chapter One:

I had been pacing the waiting room for hours now, back and forth, fidgeting nervously with my hands; watching other people come and go, and others being wheeled in for more serious circumstances, like Tommy had been wheeled in. I couldn't think of anything else to do except for pace around. No one had spoken a word to me yet about Tommy's condition, was he stable at all yet? Was he awake? Was he…I couldn't—wouldn't allow myself to even think of that last one as a possibility. I had to stay positive, but that was proving to be harder than I thought it to be.

My eyes were swollen red from the tears, which still streamed out from the corner of my eyes. I kept trying to tell myself that it was alright, that everything was alright, but I couldn't shake the thought from head about how this was all my fault; it was all my fault.

"God Sadie, what's taking so long?" I breathe out hoarsely, looking over at my sister for some response; she doesn't respond quickly enough, I answer my own question out loud.

"He's fine. The doctor will come out soon, and say that everything is _fine_…he's fine," I say, trying desperately to convince myself of my own words even as my voice breaks.

"Jude, you need to calm down…have a seat…" my sister suggests, as she stands and joins me at my side and touches my arm, flickers of worry flashing through her eyes, "I'm fine…" I trail off, "I'm fine," I repeat again, this time at an attempt to assure myself of the statement.

"Jude," my sister begins slowly; I cut in before she has the chance to tell me that I need to calm down.

"What if they can't fix him? This is my fucking fault. God, this is all my fault. So please Sadie, don't tell me to calm down." I spit out, my voice shortly cracking after as the sobs leave my throat.

"Jude," Sadie says firmly, grasping my arm and pulling me closer to her. "This is not your fault," she continues, "Tommy has a problem, okay? One that he created himself, not you" I'm shaking my head as she speaks, "If I was around more…if I fought harder to make us work…fought harder to help him, he wouldn't be…we had a fight earlier today Sade, I don't want that to be the last memory I have of him." I mumble softly as I finally take a seat. I shut my eyes and allow my head to fall back; this morning's event playing back in my mind.

_I woke up earlier than I had intended to that morning, but once I was awake I couldn't fight myself to go back to sleep, so I pushed the comforter from my body and got out of bed. I lifted my arms up towards the ceiling, stretching out my muscles as my eyes darted over towards the empty, untouched side of the bed that Tommy used to sleep. I shut my eyes and sighed, I couldn't even remember the last time that had been. I open my eyes and make my way into the bathroom; shutting and locking the door behind me I turn immediately towards the shower and turn the water on. I undress as the temperature adjusts to what I had turned the knob too, and then step inside almost immediately after my clothes are shed. _

_After showering for a good half hour I reach out and shut the water off, pull the shower curtain back after, and reach out through the thick steam for my towel. I wrap the towel around my body and step out of the shower. I quickly wonder if Tommy is awake, if he's even home. I unlock the bathroom door and step out into the hallway and flash a quick glance to the living room. I spot Tommy sitting on the living room floor in front of the coffee table. Releasing a sigh I simply walk across the hall to the bedroom to dress quickly for work so I can get out of there. I don't know what to do with this anymore. I threatened to leave him I don't know how many times and he seemed unphased by that. Certainly he would care if I really did leave, right?_

_I shut the bedroom door behind me when I'm inside and walk towards my dresser. Mechanically I pull it open and pull out my undergarments and a white wife beater, push the dresser drawer closed, and drop my towel at my feet. I slip into my panties and then slide my bra over my chest and clamp it shut with ease as I turn and step towards my closet; pulling the wife beater over my head as I go. I pull a pair of loose blue jeans down from where the sit hanging in the air and slip one leg into them at a time. _

_After I'm finished dressing I make my out of the bedroom and dread the usual awkward interaction that takes place every morning. I walk down the hall, see him still sitting, hovering over the coffee table, and as I pass I don't say a word, I slip into the kitchen; I assume undetected. I prepare myself a quick breakfast—only consisting of a very small portion of eggs, a piece of toast and glass of orange juice. I pull out two plates from the cabinet above the stove and set them down onto the counter. When the eggs are finished cooking in the skillet I lift it above one plate and scrape a small amount onto one with a spoon, and move to the other and do the same. He usually doesn't eat in the morning…in fact he hardly eats at all. I can't remember the last time I've seen him do that either, but I still try._

_My toast pops up, two of them to be exact, and I do with them the same as I did with the eggs; divide them onto a plate for me and one for Tommy. I leave his plate sitting on the kitchen table and hold mine in my hands as I finally get the nerve to greet him in the living room._

"_Morning," I say lowly, looking over at him, waiting for him to say something back. He almost never does, and I know this, but I don't stop trying. _

_I stand there quietly, spooning eggs into my mouth, waiting. Finally, I speak again, "I left you some breakfast on the table," he shocks me then, because he looks up, something he hadn't done in a while. I can't remember the last time I had looked into his eyes. He looked horrible, it killed me to see him like this, and I had to clutch the plate tighter in my hand so it didn't slip and fall. _

"_I'm not hungry," he says, his voice dry and raspy. _

"_Tom, I haven't seen you eat in weeks…maybe even months. You should eat something babe," I say as I walk over to him and sit my plate down onto the coffee table, just inches away from him and his new love. _

"_I've had my breakfast, thanks." He spits out dryly. "Tommy, this isn't fucking breakfast!" I shout, louder than I had intended while motioning towards the items on the table. _

"_Jude, just leave," he says, lowering his head back down to concentrate. _

_I sink my bottom lip into my teeth as I stand and watch him put the band around his arm and reach out for the syringe on the table. My eyes widen in disbelief, I had never watched him do this, I had on occasion, only seen him snort a line or two of coke off the table, but never shoot up. _

_Instinctively I reached out and took the syringe before his fingers could get to it first. I lifted it off the table and stared down at it in my hands. Tommy looked back up at me again then, his eyes dark around the edges and squinted. _

"_Jude, give me the fucking syringe," he demands, slowly raising himself to his feet. I shake my head and look up at him, "I can't stand around and watch you do this yourself, Quincy," my voice trembles as I speak, "Then maybe you should fucking leave then, like I said, make yourself fucking useful for once" he says angrily, slowly stepping towards me. _

_I take a step back, my eyes flashing back down to the syringe. "Maybe I should do it too…would that make you feel good, Quincy? We could finally maybe spend some god damn time together;" I say steadily, watching him cautiously, "Jude…put the fucking syringe down." His tone is serious, it's angry, it's almost threatening. _

"_So what, you can do it but I can't, Tommy? You're the only one allowed to do this to yourself?" I yell circling around our couch as Tommy follows carefully behind. _

"_This isn't a game, Jude!" He yells back, closer to me than I had realized, his hand slightly rising in the air._

_Was he going to hit me? Had he actually just raised his hand to hit me? I flinched slightly as his hand lowered back to his side shamefully. My face softened and then hardened again all in a matter of seconds. _

"_Do you even realize what this shit is doing to you!" I shouted furiously as I threw the syringe at him._

_With that, I stomped towards the front door, snatched my bag up off the floor, and left the apartment. _

I hadn't realized that I had fallen asleep. What time was it now? Was he okay? I looked around the waiting for Sadie as my eyes adjusted to being awake, she wasn't in front of me, but after a few seconds I spotted her walking towards me with two cups of coffee in her hands.

"I thought you could use some," She offers politely as she extends a cup to me.

"Thanks," I reply quietly as I sit up straight in the uncomfortable waiting chair, "I need to stay up; I don't want to miss anything." I mumbled.

Just then the doctor who is handling Tommy's "visit" approaches us in the waiting room; directing his attention at me, he opens his mouth to speak, "You're here for Tommy Quincy, right?" I nod my head and I push up out of the chair.

"Yeah, I am…is he…is he okay?" I ask nervously, feeling Sadie join me closely at my side.

"I'm Dr. Stevens, he's doing better than when we first brought him in…he's stable right now…he's still out, but he's breathing well enough on his own now…the condition can possibly change, but we're keeping him overnight obviously to monitor his state and monitor any change over the course of his visit here." I nod at every word that leaves the doctor's mouth. Tommy is alright for now, stable is good, I can live with stable.

"Can I see him?" I ask hoarsely. I see the doctor hesitate briefly. Please don't let him tell me no, I couldn't handle leaving here, or staying here another minute, without seeing for myself that he really was alright.

"Yeah, you can go in and see him for a moment. I'll take you back." I smile as best I can given this whole situation and look over at Sadie. "You go ahead; I'll sit here and wait for you." She says, and I nod at her before following the doctor.

He leads me through two code protected doors, to an elevator, in which we step onto and head up to the fourth floor. The doors ding open and I step out behind him. "He's for doors down in 404 B. You can stay for a few minutes, I'll come back and get you in a bit," he tells me, "Okay, thank you doctor," I respond appreciatively and begin to walk down the hall to Tommy's room.

When I reach 404 B, the door is open and I slowly turn to enter the room. I see Tommy hooked up to the EKG machine, hear the _beep beep beep _sounding from the machine as it monitors his heart. I move closer towards the bed, this all still feeling like some horrible nightmare I have yet to wake from. I take his hand into mine carefully and look down at his face. I honestly hardly recognize him, and it breaks my heart to see, to know that it has sadly come to this.

"You need get some help, Quincy," I whisper, caressing his hand gently with my thumb, "I'm going to try and be strong to help you get that, but you have to work with me. I love you," I finish, slowly releasing his hand from mine and leaning forward I place a soft kiss on his cheek. When I step away from the bed and take a final glance, I look over towards the door and spot Dr. Stevens in the doorway waiting for me.

"I love you, Quincy, don't you dare forget that," I whisper and then turn and leave the room with the doctor.


	3. Chapter Two

Chapter Two:

I couldn't sleep and hardly ate when I wasn't at his side certain that he was alright. When I arrived at the hospital the morning after, he was awake, looking miserable as he had been for months, but awake, I smiled inwardly as I entered his room; his eyes had shifted from the television that was on to me when he had heard my entrance.

"Hey…you're awake," I said hoarsely as I crossed over to the bed and slowly lowered myself down into a chair beside the bed.

He glanced down at me as I sat and replied, "Yeah…I woke up sometime last night after you left…at least that's what the nurse told me," he says uncertainly while making eye contact with me.

"That's good," I say forcefully, trying to hold back my tears.

We're both silent for a while, the television and quiet murmurs outside in the halls the only form of noise, before he whispers, "I'm sorry," my eyes shift towards the floor and then back up to meet his.

I open my mouth to speak and then shut it again. "Do you hate me?" he asks shamefully, "No," I reply honestly in a quiet tone, "I was terrified as hell though," I continue calmly, "I'm sorry," he says again, "so sorry…to have put you through that, Jude," he finishes as he extends his hand out towards me. I don't move to take it right away; I don't take it at all.

"You should be," I say again in an honest tone, "what if you would have killed yourself?" I lose the battle now of holding my tears in, they come relentlessly.

He looks sadly at my face and pulls his hand back to his side. "What more do you want me to say, Jude? Did you come here to lecture me and yell at me some more?" He asks a bit sarcastically, "Excuse me Quincy for giving a shit about you, even I don't know why I even bother anymore," the last part slips out unintentionally and I slap a hand over my mouth as I push up from the chair.

"Look, I didn't mean that…not exactly," I admit as I move closer to the bed and take his hand into mine.

"I just…I just can't sit back and watch you kill yourself, Tommy…I can't just sit back and wait for this to happen again, or for you…" I trail off, I don't want to finish my sentence, and I don't need to, because he knows what I'll say.

"I know, Jude…I know," he murmurs softly, "I'm going to try…very hard. It's not going to be easy…on either of us, but I'm going to try," he promises.

"That's all I ask, Quincy. I'll be here," I say through my tears while forcing a smile, "I'll be here."

I visited him every day of the week for an entire week during the given visiting hours. I watched him go through the detoxification process and had witnessed the beginning stages of his withdrawal from the drugs. I hated having to seem him like this—the shaking, the vomiting, the cursing out loud about needing more and the pleading with me to provide him with one last fix. I had walked him through it in the hospital, helped somewhat to make the longing subside.

I also had to keep his "friends" away, make sure that they came nowhere near him, especially during the beginning stages of his withdrawals. I feared that they would show up at the hospital, which two of them had at one point, but they hadn't made it past security thanks to my caution, but once we left the hospital it would be up to me and me solely, to make sure Tommy had no contact with them.

I knew it was going to be hard; I didn't imagine or expect anything less. I just hoped that I had enough strength to get him and myself through this properly.

* * *

**TOMMY**

"_You need get some help, Quincy_… _I'm going to try and be strong to help you get that, but you have to work with me. I love you…_ _don't you dare forget that,"_ I can still hear those words replaying in my mind from that night, no matter how hard I tried to push them out, they were there. The worry…the pain in her voice when she had spoken them is what gave me that necessary push to fight through my recovery in the hospital, through my "detoxification." I had by no means broken my addiction, my desire, my _need _for the drugs, but that was all part of my recovery.

I had been released from the hospital a week after having been admitted, Jude there willing and ready to take me back home; with the promise of my going to rehab. Jude was certainly proving to be my rock, my anchor—I couldn't think of or have asked for a better person to have in my life to get through this with, and personally I admired her strength, I could only imagine what this was all like for her. How it must have been when she found me. We had hardly spoken of that day but when we did, I could see how hard it was for her to relive that. That day was all a blur to me, as were all the days prior to it, but I remembered the fight we had that morning before the incident. She had been trying so hard to bring me back to my senses, so hard to keep me from drifting further away…and I had almost hit her that morning. I had almost done the unimaginable that day, something I would have never forgiven myself for if I had done it.

When she had left for the studio that morning angry with me, I felt something inside of me break, but I was so far gone to really realize it. My friends had come over not too long after the argument had occurred, and even though I had already gotten my brief fix that morning, should have _known _my limitations, I took in more than I could handle. Everything after that I can't remember at all, can only now remember waking up in the hospital the day after, Jude's words burning a hole into my heart. Now here I was, ready to be a better man; the man she deserved…the man she needed me to be.


	4. Chapter Three

Chapter Three:

This was indeed proving to be the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. It's hard enough having to take care of myself, but taking care of another grown human being at quite possibly one of the weakest stages of his life, only makes it that much more difficult—it felt like I was caring for a stubborn toddler rather than a grown man. It's frustrating, to say the least, but I promised to be there for him, so here I am.

It's been a week since he had been released from the hospital, there he had nurses taking care of him when I wasn't there during the night to see him at his worst, but now there weren't any nurses, it was just me and Tommy—and Big Lou occasionally when I needed to step out since Tommy couldn't be trusted to be left alone unsupervised.

I had gotten rid of all of the material that Tommy had kept around the house so that he wouldn't be tempted to, or succeeded in getting his hands on the very thing that had almost killed him. And thanks to Big Lou, who had often stayed around even when I was home, Tommy's "friends" stopped coming around. Everything was starting to feel reasonably under control…I just had to help Tommy through the withdrawals, which seemed to be making him more miserable as the days went by.

Cooking meals for him—most in which he hardly touched or ate at all, staying up with him in the middle of the night for as long as I could because he couldn't sleep, holding his head in my lap as he lay shivering in a cold sweat fighting the urge to just give in; it was all taking a toll on both of us. The nights when he had finally been able to sleep, even if for a few minutes, I spent on the edge of the bed crying, trying to keep myself together, and when he would awake, I would put on that strong façade, pretending to be that strong anchor for him.

Our daily routine consisted of the same thing each and every day. We, or rather I, would wake up and drag us out of bed and down the hall to the bathroom for a shower. Soon after we would do one of two things; one, go back to our room and get dressed, generally into some more pajamas or two, slip into our bathrobes and go into the kitchen for breakfast.

"Why aren't you going to the studio?" He grumbled as I struggled to pull him to his feet, "Because," I began, tossing his arm over my shoulder, "I have more important things to take care of," I finished, as I carefully maneuvered us out of our bedroom and down the hall to the bathroom. "That's nonsense Jude, nothing ever keeps you out of the studio," I sighed as we entered the bathroom together and slowly lowered him onto the toilet. "This is different circumstances than anything else, Quincy," I said with assurance as I tugged on the hem of his shirt.

Instinctively he lifted his arms up in the air and I pulled his shirt over his head. "You can leave Big Lou with me to supervise me you know? It's been a while, babe, you have songs to finish and—"He was starting to irritate me, now that he's not high he realizes every little thing that I do, or should be doing, "Would you just drop it please? Darius knows why I'm out and understands this is more important" I say while I tug at the waistline of his pajama pants. Defeated, Tommy pushes up slightly off of the toilet seat and allows me to slide his pajama pants off.

"You don't have to treat me like a two year old though, Jude," he says through gritted teeth as I kick his clothes against the wall, "I'm not treating you like a two year old, Tommy, I'm taking _care _of you, okay? You're weak…and I feel I need to somehow make this better for you…easier, somehow…and hope you don't relapse." I reply while I began to shed myself of my own clothes and then moving over closer to the shower to turn it on and adjust the temperature.

"Come on," I say, reaching out and taking his hands into mine to pull him up. He slowly stands up and I carefully maneuver us towards and into the shower. I let Tommy enter before I do so I can keep him balanced as best I can from behind and then step in myself.

This almost feels like old times, I almost allow myself to pretend that it is, but I know it isn't. If a chain of certain events hadn't taken place Tommy would still be strung out on drugs and completely oblivious to my existent, or he would have been dead. Even as I think this, I wrap my arms around Tommy's waist and press my naked body up against his muscular back and allow myself to just absorb the moment, as I do every morning. Tommy's hands slide over mine and we just stand there in silence as the water cascades down upon us.

I feel the tears building up in the corner of my eyes, and slowly shut them to ward them off. I've been trying so hard not to cry in front of him, show him that I'm weak in all of this too, because I feel he needs me to be stronger than really I am.

After our silent and subtle moment in shower, we take turns washing each other up and stepping under the nozzle to rinse off, before Tommy turns the water off and turns to face me.

Pulling me against him, Tommy lowers his lips to my ear and whispers, "We'll get through this, baby," I nod against his chest and look up into sad, dark eyes. His gaze seems to burn right through my skin, and deep down I feel the guilt rising in my stomach. "Let's get out of here and get you back in bed," I say quickly, slipping out of his arms and stepping out of the shower.

"You want to get dressed or do you want to have another lazy robe day?" I ask, reaching out for my robe as I speak, "Robe is good," He says, stepping out of the shower now as well and taking his robe from my hand as I hold it out for him, "Thanks," he says taking it.

"So, you want to watch some TV or something while I get some food together for us?" I ask, "Sure," he nods and slips out passed me into the hall, "Okay, I'm just going to be in the kitchen for a bit, if you need me just call out and I'll come," I tell him, "Alright, sounds good to me," he responds, "I love you," I say softly, pressing my lips slightly against his for a brief kiss before turning and walking into the kitchen as Tommy mutters a quick, "I love you too," before making his way into the living room.

I feel bad after we finish eating, because almost instantly after he consumes most his food, Tommy is down the hall in the bathroom on his knees. I needed to stop pushing him to eat…but he needed food didn't he? We'll stick to basic soup and crackers from here on out. Or let him eat whenever he feels up to it.

I stand in the bathroom doorway briefly before entering and lowering myself to my knees beside Tommy. This happens almost every day as well, it's nothing new, but it doesn't get any easier.

"God Tom, I'm sorry…I should stop making you eat," I say sweetly as I begin to gently rub small circles on his back.

He's done letting the contents of his stomach out but stays huddled near the toilet for precaution. He turns his head to look at me and smiles warmly, "Its okay…maybe it's just your food," he laughs roughly and begins to cough for a moment before calming and laughing again.

"Haha very funny, Quincy," I say with a glare and pull my hand away from his back, "I'm just playing with you, babe…trying to make the situation a little lighter," He smiles again, "I think I'm okay now," he states and pushes up from the floor and flushes the toilet.

"You sure," I ask with concern, "Yeah, for now at least. We both know how this goes…besides, it's only been a few weeks, I just have to hang in there," He replies, gently swiping his knuckles across my chin, "I'm fine," He assures me, "Okay. Let's get you back out into the living room," I suggest, and we make our way out of the bathroom together.

After I have Tommy situated on the couch watching television I begin to clear our mess from breakfast up off of the table and pick up around the apartment here and there as well. When I make my way back into the living room I spot Tommy sleeping semi-peacefully on the couch. I feel a smile tug at the corner of my lips as a light knock sounds at the door. I move slowly towards the door, wondering who it could be because I hadn't been expecting anybody.

I pull the door back and spot Big Lou and smile warmly at him, but when Big Lou steps briefly to the side, I spot none other than Landen Hayes standing slightly behind him, and my smile suddenly disappears.


	5. Chapter Four

Chapter Four:

"Hey Blonde Eagle," Hearing Big Lou's code name for me I force myself to break my gaze from Landen momentarily. I laugh unsteadily and look up at him, "Hiya Lou, what brings you by? I wasn't expecting you today…" I trail off, leaving my sentence lingering in the air, and wondering what the hell Landen was doing here with him.

"Darius sent me over to make sure you and Tom were doing okay since I haven't heard from you in about a day," Lou responds as he inches himself inside of the apartment. Landen steps forward as well but is still blocked by Lou. I eye him cautiously for a moment and see him staring back at me, and then quickly look back over at Big Lou.

"Oh…well, we're fine…Jazzy hand's is actually sound asleep on the couch surprisingly," I say calmly with a brief chuckle.

"Was asleep, and I resent that name," I hear Tommy grumble from the couch. I look over and see him slowly push into a sitting position but he doesn't move to get up.

God, could this get any worse.

"Why don't you guys come in," I suggest, loosely using the term "guys," I'm not so sure I want Landen around right now.

I pull the door further back to allow Big Lou and Landen inside and once they're in I push the door shut and lock it behind them. "Um, make yourself at home," I mutter uneasily as I pull my robe tighter against my body and usher them into the living room.

"Big Lou, my man, what's up," Tommy says roughly, holding back a cough, "Not much Little Tommy Q, just stopping by to make sure you and the little lady are doing alright," Lou replies as he drops down beside Tommy on the couch.

I stand back and observe as Landen stays standing with his hands in his jacket pockets, awkwardly off to the side in the open space between the couch and the coffee table. Tommy looks over at Landen and after eyeing him briefly his eyebrows scrunch together.

"Who is this?" He asks, nodding his head in Landen's direction. I bite my bottom lip and clear my throat before I open my mouth to answer; however, Landen beats me to the punch.

"Hello, sorry Mr. Quincy, I'm Landen Hayes, I'm a producer…I generally work with Capitol Records…I was brought into Toronto to work with Jude" Landen's voice flows out in an effortless response. Tommy nods and continues to stare at him, "What's that accent I hear?" Tommy quizzes, "Oh, I'm originally from London," Landen replies smoothly.

Tommy nods his head again and looks over at me for a moment before looking back at Landen again. "What brings you _here_?" His voice almost doesn't sound as friendly as it had moments before.

"Actually, Darius sent me here with Lou to discuss a business matter with Jude," Landen answers as he shifts his eyes from Tommy to me. I can't take everyone staring at me like this anymore.

"Business matter?" Tommy and I ask in unison, we all laugh briefly, me more so awkwardly than the rest of them.

"About her album…" Landen begins and trails off, leaving his sentence unfinished, but I catch what he's getting at.

"Oh, yes…Um, can you excuse us for a moment," I say rhetorically, not really raising a question to be answered. I don't need Tommy's permission to speak with Landen alone; I'd just rather not have to be speaking to Landen at all right now. I glance over at Landen for a second and then start walking towards the kitchen, Landen soon follows suit.

I enter the kitchen first and lean against one of the counters; Landen soon strides in after and walks over to me. I immediately stiffen and move from against the counter.

"So," I begin, slapping my hands against my thighs and leaving the conversation open to Landen, "It's been a few weeks now, I was beginning to think you were just avoiding me," He says, "Um…I wouldn't say that necessarily," I breathe out, "you know my uh…situation," I feel extremely naked and awkward standing in front of Landen in just my robe.

"Yeah, I do…I understand. Darius just sent me over with Lou to make sure everything was alright, and innocently press you about coming back to the studio soon," He laughs quietly and looks down at me. God, why does he have to look at me like that?

"I'm not sure I'm ready to go back yet to be honest, Landen," I say honestly. Landen nods his head and moves a bit closer to me. "And what about New York, Darius asked me to ask, honest," He states, raising his hands up in the air.

"I haven't told him about New York yet," I whisper softly, referring to Tommy. A few weeks ago I probably would have been two steps away from going—but things were different now.

"That's…fair. You are avoiding me though, aren't you?" He asks, moving closer still. I reach out and put my hand against his chest to stop him.

"Please don't Landen," I plead quietly, "what happened that night was a _mistake_," I say in a bare whisper. The last thing I need is for Tommy to hear this.

Landen smiles warmly at me and gently touches my cheek, but then lowers it before I can protest for him to move it. "A mistake because of what happened that night afterwards?" I don't like what he's implying.

"Landen, I think you should leave," I say sternly as I move away from him and begin to make my way out of the kitchen. I hear Landen behind me trying to keep up.

"Just tell Darius I'll be back when I'm ready," I mumble, trying to conceal my nerves and anger.

"Will do," He says simply and then turns towards the living room and shouts, "Goodnight Lou…Tommy, it was nice meeting you," he then turns to let himself out of the apartment; I'm there behind him to lock the door once he's gone.

"Goodnight, Jude," He whispers before disappearing down the hall.

I push the door shut and turn the lock. I want to break down and cry right there. What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to handle this all?

Taking a deep breath I turn and make my way into the living room. Tommy and Big Lou turn their heads in my direction as I enter.

"He's gone so soon?" Tommy asks, I swear I can hear sarcasm in his voice.

"Yeah, he just needed to ask some stuff about the album…Darius forced him over here. You know Darius, he's soft when it comes to me, but still as hard as ever," I lied sighing.

"Yeah," Tommy said reaching out for the television remote on the coffee table.

"Alright well, now that I know everything is okay with my favorite couple I'll be heading out," Lou says as he pushes himself up from the couch.

"I'll walk you out," I offer, and begin following Big Lou towards the door.

"Thanks for stopping by to check on us Lou, you're the best," I exclaim, throwing my arms around Big Lou and embracing him in a quick hug, "No problem Blonde Eagle, you take care of Jazzy hand's there for me," Big Lou speaks just loud enough for Tommy to hear him too, "Goodnight Lou," I laugh as I shut the door behind him and lock it.

On a sigh I turn on my heel and make my way back to Tommy. When I appear back in the living room I see that Tommy has laid back down on the couch and made himself comfortable.

"So that guy is producing you?" I shut my eyes and take a deep breath before opening them back up and walking over to the couch and sitting down.

I lift Tommy's head up gently and sit down on the space where it was once resting, and as I lower myself down I slowly release it onto my lap and begin to softly weave my fingers through his hair.

"Yeah, he's producing a few songs on the album. They brought him in from New York," I say carefully, "How long ago did they bring him in?" He questions, "Um…a few months ago. I was working by myself for so long and it was becoming tedious, so D decided to bring him in," I answer truthfully while continuing to weave my fingers through his hair.

Tommy was quiet for a moment and simply lay there with his head in my lap watching the TV before speaking again. "Man, I've been out of it for a while…haven't I?" He asked sadly. I stopped moving my fingers and looked down at him as he arched his head back on my lap and looked up at me. "Yeah, it's been a while, Quincy. I felt like I…lost you," I reply quietly, trying to hold back the tears that I could feel ready to come.

He sits up then and looks deeply into my eyes as he cups my face. "Jude, I am so damn sorry," He pulls me against his chest and wraps his arms around me tightly, "So sorry," he repeats against my ear. I can't fight back the tears any longer, "Me too," I say unevenly through my tears. He pulls me back to look at me, "What are you sorry for?"

That was the question that could have opened the doors to me being honest, but I couldn't tell him the truth. I was too afraid of what the truth would do to him, to us.

"For…for not being there like I should have been, for not fighting harder for you," I cry out, it's my guilt inside more than anything that's making me cry—not even completely for what I'm saying to him, but for what I _did_.

He pulls me against him again. "God, Jude, this isn't your fault. I pushed you away…so damn far away. I'm the luckiest bastard on the planet to have you, after all I did, and you stayed. I could have pushed you into someone else's arms because I was such an ass, but you stayed by my side. Day in and day out, even when I pushed you away and was hardly here for you…you were here for me." He confessed proudly.

I pulled out of his arms and looked at him. How could I be such a coward? Why couldn't I just tell him and get it out. He would understand right? He's sitting here sticking up for me for not doing all these things, when I had.

Emotionally—barely, but emotionally, I had been here for him, but physically I wasn't, physically I had become equally as detached as he had become with me. But why couldn't I bring myself to tell him that?

It didn't matter anymore. None of it mattered. He was alive and was fighting to get better, fighting for us again. Tommy Quincy was back, sitting in front of me in the flesh, physically and emotionally. Everything before now didn't matter anymore. Not how I had felt through those months, not New York, and not Landen Hayes.

What Tommy didn't know, certainly couldn't hurt him. Right?


	6. Chapter Five

Chapter Five:

_Furiously I stormed into G-Major without bothering to greet anyone as I rushed through the lobby and directly into studio B. After entering I slammed the glass door shut behind me and loudly made my presence known. _

_Alarmed, I watched Landen jump slightly where he sat in front of the soundboard and turned himself in his chair to face me. _

"_Having a bad morning I take it," Landen said with a guess before turning away from me and reaching out for his cup of coffee._

"_What would make you think __**that**__?" I say through gritted teeth as I allow my bag to slip off my shoulder and onto the floor._

_I hear Landen laugh lowly and I swear I want to punch him the face. "What happened?" He asks, not wanting to pull out the sympathy card, the look I had shot him probably had something to do with that. _

"_Tommy, what else," I mutter as I make my way towards him and plop down into the empty waiting chair at his side._

_Landen sets his coffee back down in front of him and slides his chair across the floor so that he is closer to me and ready to listen. _

"_We got into an argument…of sorts," I begin slowly, "he almost…hit me," I breathe out, the thought of it still unfamiliar to me. Landen blinks and allows what I just said to register before his fists clench and he pushes up from the chair and walks away from me._

"_He didn't though…I don't think he actually was. He would never," I say quickly, automatically feeling the need to defend Tommy._

"_How long are you going to stay and watch him continue to flicker out like a candle, Jude? He doesn't even acknowledge you," Landen says angrily. _

_Tommy has been a subject of our conversations over the last couple of months while working together—after of course I got to know Landen. _

"_I don't know, I—"I pause and lower my head, "I don't know, Landen. I tell myself almost every morning that it's going to be that day…you know? That day I'm finally just going to say 'you know what, I've had enough' and just leave. But I haven't brought myself to finally __**do **__it. He needs help, but he won't listen and—"_

"_It's not your job to take care of him, Jude. I mean, yeah, you're his girlfriend, but how long has it been since he's been that guy you first entered a relationship with?" Landen asked as he shuffled around the room. I kept my head lowered, so I didn't know what he was doing, but when I felt him at my side I knew that he had just moved across the room to get to me._

"_A while," I respond in a whisper as I raise my head and turn slightly to look at Landen, "he's not the guy I fell in love with anymore. But that doesn't mean that I can just walk away from him. If I did that, how do you think I'd feel if something happened to him?" I whisper softly as Landen turns my chair so that I am facing him._

_He gazes up into my eyes, something flashing behind his them dangerously, "Everything he is doing Jude, has been his own doing, not yours. If anything were to happen to him, it wouldn't be your fault, alright?" He responds in a loving, caring tone as he places his hands upon my knees. _

_I offer a smile, the best I can force through my current state of mind, and let out a heavy sigh. "Thanks Landen, I appreciate that. You always seem to know how to calm me down. I'm far from extremely enthused right now, but you helped clear my mind some." I say thankfully as I place my hand on top of his._

"_Anytime Jude, you know you can talk to me whenever about whatever. I'm more than just your producer, I'm a friend too," He replies, briefly slapping his hands on my knees before pushing up and taking a seat back in his chair in front of the soundboard._

"_You ready to sing your heart out girl?" Landen asks, shooting me a friendly grin. I nod and push up out of my chair, "Yeah, but can we pull the shades down and lock the doors pretty please? I don't want to be bothered today…I just want to sing," I said while striding towards the door, slightly turning around to look at Landen._

"_Sure thing, whatever you want to do Harrison, I won't argue with you today," He laughs in response while nodding his head towards the booth, telling me with no words to get in there._

"_Okay, but first, I just __**really **__need to scream to let out a little bit more of my frustrations," I say in warning tone before I step into the booth. "Knock yourself out, and then put the headphones on and let's take 'that was us' from the second verse."_

_I shut the door behind me as I enter the sound booth and let out a piercing scream. I repeat a few more times before then taking my place in front of the microphone and looking straight ahead at Landen as I pull my headphones on and wait for him to give me the cue. I hear the music start up in my ears, open my mouth, and the words flow out._

_My day is finally over after endless hours of singing the same words continuously pass followed by laying down a couple more tracks. _

"_Great work, Jude, you can come on out now," Landen says overhead, and I anxiously remove the headphones from my ears and make my way from the sound booth._

"_I'm nervous about playback," I admit as I slide out of the sound booth and make my way over to Landen._

"_There's nothing to be nervous about, you were fantastic," Landen raves as I move in closer to him and plop down on his lap and immediately felt Landen's arm drape around my waist. _

_Normally, this was me and Tommy's routine, but after working closely with Landen these last couple of months, he had somehow been able to slightly fill the void in my life where Tommy once occupied._

"_Alright, here's the playback for 'that was us," Landen says and after adjusting a few buttons I hear my voice flowing throughout the room._

**I tried to change  
I tried everything  
Like headlights in the rain  
Drifting back again  
Somewhere out there  
Gathered in the dust  
Sometimes I can't remember that was us**

_I listened intently to the words I had sung, I started to feel then, at that moment, how true they were._

**There was a time for reason  
A place for every season  
Times I couldn't run away from you  
I can't believe it's morning  
I can't believe it's pouring  
Should I leave you here  
And walk away?**

_Landen must have felt me tense against him because he shifted slightly and his arm became tighter around me. I found myself leaning more comfortably against him and shutting my eyes I continued to listen to the rest of the song._

**Somewhere out there  
Gathered in the dust  
Sometimes I can't remember  
Sometimes I can't remember  
I can't remember  
That was us**

_Landen and I both sat there in silence for a moment. He didn't say anything, probably anticipating for me to say something first. But I didn't speak. I didn't want to talk; I didn't know what to say, or where to begin. I wanted to ask him, should have asked him, what I was supposed to do about Tommy. _

_What I shouldn't have done was shift my head and body to the side until his lips were mere inches from my own. I shouldn't have moved forward and closed the gap between our lips by pressing mine to his, but I did._

_When my lips met his, I half expected for him to pull away or for me to pull away as well, but neither of us did. Instead I was parting my lips, __**inviting**__ him inside of my mouth, while I twisted on his lap so that I was no longer sideways but now straddling him. When I felt his tongue touch my own I took it upon myself to deepen the kiss. _

_We clung together tightly as our lips danced furiously together. This is again where I was supposed to push away. Push away and walk out of the room, but I didn't. _

_My hands slid in between our bodies and my fingers grasped fistfuls of his shirt. Pulling on it I nipped at his bottom lip and felt his groan rumble inside of my mouth. His hands went up instantly in the air and pulling my mouth away from his momentarily I desperately tugged his shirt up and over his head, quickly reclaiming his mouth. _

_Landen did the same with my shirt moments after and as our hips instinctively began to grind into one another his arms wrapped around my back and his fingers swiftly unclasped my bra. Landen tore his lips from mine as my breasts spilled out before him, and instantly his head lowered and he captured one of my taut nipples inside of his mouth. I felt a moan slip from lips as my head fell back and my eyes fell shut._

_As Landen continued to suckle on my breasts, blindly through my pleasure my hands fought at unbuttoning his jeans. Suddenly, I felt myself being lifted into the air and then pressed up against the soundboard. Landen's hands fell in between our bodies as his lips trailed away from my breasts and reclaimed my mouth and I felt his fingers fumbling with the buttons of my pants. Not too long after he had my pants unbuttoned I felt Landen pushing them down my legs. I kicked off my shoes and then kicked the jean material heaping at my feet off and into a pile on the floor. _

_My hands went instantly then to Landen's hips and I began to impatiently push his pants down as he fought to remove my panties. With a shove of his boxers to the floor and the second my panties joined the pile, Landen was inside of me._

I shot up suddenly on the bed, clutching a hand to my heaving chest. Breathing heavily I tried to calm down as I looked around the room. I felt Tommy move beside me and I looked down at him just as he began to sit up beside me.

"Baby, are you alright?" I heard Tommy ask with worry.

My breathing became shallow as I nodded at him, unable to speak. "Are you sure? Did you have a nightmare?" He quizzed, sitting up straighter on the bed and pulling me against his chest. I felt the tears threaten to spill but I fought so hard to keep them back.

I desperately wished it had only been a nightmare.


	7. Chapter Six

Chapter Six:

If it had only been a nightmare I wouldn't have been feeling this sickening feeling of guilt in the pit of my stomach. If it hadn't actually happened then I wouldn't have the need or the desire to keep it a secret from Tommy. But it had happened, and there wasn't anything I could do to change that fact.

"Baby," Tommy whispered again beside me as he gently nudged me.

I suppose I had spaced out for a moment, and I couldn't even remember what he had said.

"Did you have a nightmare?" He asked lovingly, cradling me against his chest as his fingers combed gently through my tousled blonde locks.

I sat there, unmoving, staring blankly ahead of me. "Y-yeah," I stammered, not knowing what else to say. I certainly wasn't about to tell him what I had been dreaming, what had woken me up.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked as I slowly lifted my head from against his chest and looked up at him through the dark.

"No, its okay…I'm okay. You go back to bed. I'm going to get up and get some water. I'll be fine," I assured him before pressing my lips gently to his cheek and quickly shuffling out of the bed and then the room.

I made my way into the kitchen in the darkened apartment. As I entered I slid my hand up the length of the wall and flicked the light on. I then made my way over to the sink and reached out for a clean glass that had been sitting off to the side on the dish rack to dry. Placing the glass under the faucet I pushed the knob upwards until the water spilled inside and filled my glass half full. I pushed the knob back down and turned my back to the counter and leaned back so that I was resting against it and took a sip of my water.

It's been three weeks. Three weeks since the stupid fight between Tommy and I had taken place. Three weeks since I found him in our bathroom practically dead, and three weeks since the day I betrayed him.

I had to tell him—that's easier said than done. I wish it could be that simple, but I didn't even know where to begin to tell him. If I wasn't so afraid and so uncertain of how he would react, I would know already. But I'm such a coward. I'm not even sure of how I'm feeling anymore these days. I do know that he _deserves _to hear the truth from me sooner now than later, before he hears it somewhere else.

I finish off the water and turn to sit my glass in the sink. Clearing my throat I turn again and make my way out of the kitchen, flicking the light off as I go, and make my way back down the hall to our bedroom.

I see a faint light cascading from beneath the closed door. He's up, and he's waiting for me. I take a deep breath as I reach out for the knob; turning it I push with the weight of my body and enter the room. Tommy is sitting on the bed, the bedside lamp now illuminating our bedroom.

"I thought I told you to go back to sleep, I told you I was alright," I snapped as I made my way over to our bed.

"I just wanted to make sure you really were alright, sue me," He snapped back, watching me as I reached the bed and sat down.

"I'm _fine_," I promised, when the truth was I really wasn't.

Tommy was quiet for a moment and I just sat there watching him from the corner of my eyes. He was sitting with his arm draped forward trailing his fingers over the purple marks on his forearm. He stopped suddenly after and just went back to sitting there.

"So I was thinking," He began finally breaking the silence, "that it's time for you to get back into the studio," He must have seen me begin to protest because he said, "before you say anything, just listen," I shut my mouth and lifted my head to shift my gaze fully in his direction.

"I know you love to play Nurse Jude and everything, and though I admire you for caring so much about me to take care of me, you need to take care of yourself too," He paused briefly as I sat there waiting for him to continue without interrupting him.

"I've been doing a lot better, Jude, and that's thanks to you…I'm not asking you to leave me home alone or anything, hell you could even leave Big Lou here with me again if you want…I just don't want you to forget about yourself."

Licking my lips I nodded at him and opened my mouth, "Can I talk now?" I asked with a brief smile. "Of course," He replied.

"I'm not forgetting about myself…we both know and realize we're in a rather difficult situation, and I just know that this is more important than my music right now," I watched as Tommy opened his mouth to protest but I quickly brought my hand up in the air to silence him, "however, if you insist on pushing me back into the studio, I'm not going to leave you alone and I'm not going to leave Big Lou here with you," I stopped and watched the confusion set in on his face. "You're going to come with me, I think it'll do you some good to get you out of here for a little bit," I finished as I let my words sit for a moment.

Tommy moved in closer to me and quickly placed a kiss on my lips. "You drive a rather hard bargain Harrison," he laughed roughly as trailed his mouth down to my neck and began to feather kisses.

I shivered at the feel of his lips and pulled back abruptly. "Um…I think we should go back to sleep now." I said as I nervously fumbled away from him and sunk back underneath the covers. He looked at me momentarily before shutting the light off and settling beneath the covers beside me.

"We can go in tomorrow when we wake up. What time do you and Landen usually get to work?" Hearing Landen's name leave Tommy's mouth just now unsettled me a bit.

"Uh…well he always gets in really early so he's always there before me. I usually don't come in until around ten or eleven and he never expects me to be there any earlier than that," I laugh unsteadily and turn to look at Tommy in the dark.

"Maybe we'll get in by noon. I can call G-major when I wake up to make sure he isn't working with anyone else…" Tommy trails off and stares at me.

"Okay, that sounds alright…just wake me up after you call if it's a go. Goodnight Tom, I love you," I whisper before turning my back to him and shutting my eyes.

"Love you too," I hear him whisper back quietly, silence soon following.

What was I getting myself into?

* * *

Tommy and I made our way into G-major the next morning promptly at twelve in the afternoon. I was in no rush to get there any earlier than that. As far as I was concerned, the longer I got to avoid being around Landen and Tommy at the same time, the better.

We entered the lobby and from where we stood I got a good view of the entire studio. I could see Landen sitting in front of the soundboard Studio B and felt the shudder run down my spine at the thought of the last time I had been in that very studio with him.

"You okay baby?" Tommy asked as he stopped walking, gently grasping my wrist and turning me to face him.

"Yeah, I'm great. Um, I need to talk to Sadie for a minute alright?" Tommy nodded and said, "Okay go ahead, and take your time. I'm going to head into the studio with Landen and wait for you." Quickly he placed a kiss on my lips, pulled away from me, and made his way towards Studio B.

I turned towards the reception desk and when I spotted my sister leaning against the counter engaged in conversation with Kwest, I moved quickly over to them.

"Can I borrow my sister for just a moment, Kwest?" Before Sadie or Kwest could say anything I grabbed Sadie by the arm and yanked her into the girl's bathroom.

"What the hell little sis," Sadie asked angrily as she tore arm from my grasp.

"I think I'm losing my mind," I answered I lifted my hand to my forehead and rubbed my temple.

"What's wrong?" Sadie questioned, her demeanor quickly changing.

"I fucked up Sade…god did I fuck up," I breathed out and I began to pace the bathroom.

"Jude, stand still and tell me what the hell happened," Sadie demanded, hands on her hips.

"I cheated," I exhaled deeply as soon as the words left my lips. I felt a little more at ease after revealing this to my sister.

"You _what_...With _who…_and when," Sadie asked, one question after the other.

"I cheated," I repeated lower as I shoved my hands inside of my jean pockets and looked over at my sister. "It happened three weeks ago…with Landen," I revealed, and watched my sisters eyes shoot wide open.

"Oh my god, Jude…how did you let that happen?" I looked at her with astonishment as I pulled my hands from my pockets.

"How did I let it happen? You think I planned for it to happen? That I _wanted _it to happen? It was a total mistake. I was mad at him," My voice broke and I stopped speaking as I stood there and watched my sister who just stood staring back at me.

A few seconds of silence lingered between us before I spoke again. "I was mad at Tommy. It was that day we had that fight…that same night I went home and…" I trailed off as the tears streamed down my cheeks before I even had the chance to fight them off.

Sadie, knowing exactly what I meant, moved closer to me and pulled me into her arms. "That explains why you were so upset and everything that night…so guilty." I nodded against her chest and let the sobs rip from my chest.

"Oh god…Jude, I don't even know what to say." Sadie whispered as she locked her arms tighter around me.

"I-I have to tell him. I don't know how to though Sadie, I don't even know where to begin. I'm so afraid of how he's going to react, how he'll handle it. I don't want him to relapse Sade, I couldn't handle that," I cry out.

Sadie releases me from her arms and gently cups my face in her hands. "I know you're afraid of that Jude, but it's better if he hears it from you now rather than hearing it from somewhere else later."

I looked Sadie straight in her eyes and nodded my head through my tears. "You're right. I have to tell him. He can't hear this from anyone else, it has to be me. I have to explain everything to him, and hope he understands."

Sadie smiles warmly at me as she drops her hands from my face. "If he loves you as much as I think he does, he'll understand baby sis."

I smile back at her the best I can and nod my head. Nod my head and hope she is right.


	8. Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven:

I nod once more at Sadie before turning towards the sink to rinse my face off as Sadie exits the bathroom. I hunch down closer to the water and splash the cold substance along my face. I hear a bathroom stall creak open and with my eyes closed I straighten back upright and reach blindly for a napkin at my side. After drying my face off I open my eyes and turn to toss the used napkin into the trash can, but stop dead in my tracks.

"Karma?" Oh shit. You have got to be kidding me.

She's standing there, all five feet and seven inches of pure evil, staring back at me with this smug look on her face that I just want to slap right off.

"Relax Harrison; I'm not going to go all five year old tattle teller on you,"

I placed my hands on my hips and looked back at her with as much intensity as she was giving me. "Oh but your so good at it," I snapped and she smiled at me, "Normally yes, yes I am. But now since Speedy and I-"

I cut her off, "Oh god Karma please cut the Mother Theresa act and just get to the point," I was growing impatient with her little game—whatever it was she was playing.

"I'm not going to tell Tommy what I heard, scouts honor," She began, holding her hand up in surrender, "and I don't think you should either." She finished, and at this point my mouth had fallen open.

"Come again? You're not going to tell Tommy about what you heard between Sadie and me?" She nodded and I continued to speak, "But you don't think _I _should tell him either? I think that'd be worse than you just telling him yourself," I said as I leaned against the counter while Karma made her way closer to me.

"Think about it," She began quietly, "It only happened once…it was a total mistake, Tommy wasn't even…well you know. He's lucky that you're even still with him"

"But I—"

"You're human Jude. You got your uh…needs…fulfilled by someone who was there and aware of you…no one can hold that against you," She stated matter of factly, trying to help justify what I did.

"I do. I hold it against myself. I shouldn't have let it happen. I could have and should have stopped it," I all but shouted this at her.

"But you didn't. Jude, no one is perfect and things happen. It's not like you…wait, do you still want to be with Tommy?" Normally the answer to that question would have been simple. Normally I would have easily answered "yes," but I wasn't sure anymore.

"If you're unsure of that simple question why put yourself through hell trying to figure out how you're going to tell him. If you want to protect him Jude, don't tell him. That will also keep him with you, and wanting to be with you. If you tell him, or he finds out, that could be ruined forever. Just think about it." And with that Karma exited the bathroom.

What the hell was I going to do?

* * *

After a few minutes of letting what Karma had said to me in the bathroom sink in I finally allowed myself to leave the bathroom and make my way over to Studio B. As I walked I could see Tommy and Landen engaged in conversation sitting in front of the soundboard. I felt nauseous as I approached the door to the studio and nervously reached out to turn the handle. Plastering a smile on my face I entered the room and as if on cue, both Tommy and Landen looked up at me.

"There you are, I was beginning to get worried," Tommy laughed as he pushed up from the chair and made his way over to me.

"Yeah, I just had to talk to Sadie for a minute, and then got stopped by Karma but here I am," I laughed nervously as I looked blankly across the room at Landen who was staring at me.

Tommy looked over at Landen and then back over at me again and I felt his arm snake around me territorially as he pulled me closer and placed a kiss on the side of my neck. I flinched briefly at the feel of his lips on my skin and soon shifted away.

"So um, Landen," I began, clearing my throat, "What do we have to work on today?" I asked as I made my way across the room and plopped down onto a chair the furthest away from Landen.

Tommy looked over in my direction and eyed me suspiciously before walking over towards Landen and pulling the empty chair he hand once been sitting in across to where I was sitting and sat down beside me.

"Well um, we need to go back and lay down a few more vocals for 'that was us,' and then we can work on whatever you feel up to singing today. We only have about two songs left to lay down, so the choice is yours," I nodded my head and watched Landen turn away from me and Tommy to adjust some of the controls on the soundboard.

"Alright, you can go on in, we're going to start from the second half of the song," Landen spoke as I rose up from my chair and began walking towards the sound booth.

"Blow me away girl," Tommy called out before I disappeared inside of the sound booth.

You have no idea how unbelievably awkward it was to be standing in front of the two of them and having them stare back at me with this need. I wanted to run away and hide from the world at that very moment. I was a fucking idiot. How could I have possibly thought that bringing Tommy to the studio with me was a good idea?

I placed the headphones over my ears and shut my eyes momentarily, but the second my own voice filled my ears, I was taken back to a place I didn't want to go to. Opening my eyes I looked over at Tommy and then over at Landen, and then down at the soundboard.

_Landen continued to suckle on my breasts, blindly through my pleasure my hands fought at unbuttoning his jeans. Suddenly, I felt myself being lifted into the air and then pressed up against the soundboard. Landen's hands fell in between our bodies as his lips trailed away from my breasts and reclaimed my mouth and I felt his fingers fumbling with the buttons of my pants. Not too long after he had my pants unbuttoned I felt Landen pushing them down my legs. I kicked off my shoes and then kicked the jean material heaping at my feet off and into a pile on the floor. _

_My hands went instantly then to Landen's hips and I began to impatiently push his pants down as he fought to remove my panties. With a shove of his boxers to the floor and the second my panties joined the pile, Landen was inside of me. I gasped at the feel of him there for it had been entirely too long since I had felt this. He looked down at me for reassurance and I lifted my hips up from the soundboard to move against him to assure him. He moaned as he thrust forward to meet my own demand and I allowed myself to lay back completely on the soundboard, no matter how uncomfortable it was._

_Landen took hold of my ankles and placed each onto his shoulders, the new angle intensifying the feeling coursing through my body. I gasped and felt myself so close to falling over the edge._

"_Landen,"_

His voice broke me from my flashback, "Yeah?" I looked over at him through the glass window astonished. I must have actually said his name out loud just then.

"I need some air," I breathed out as I quickly tore the headphones off of my head and exited the sound booth in a hurry. At this point, I was almost certain Tommy already knew.

I stormed through the lobby of G-major and made my way out of the building and into the back alley. I released a heavy breath and allowed the cool outside air to fill my lungs. Slowly I descended down the small set of stairs and stopped at the last one to sit. Placing my elbows on top of my knees I brought my hands up to my face and buried it inside of them.

The door creaking open behind me didn't make me budge. I didn't bother to turn and see who was behind me. I knew it had to be either Tommy or Landen, and I really hoped it was neither.

"You okay?" He asked, and I felt myself tense up immediately.

"No. I don't know what the hell I was thinking bringing him here. I'm acting so fucking obvious." I cried softly into my hands as I tried to drown out the noise around me and pretend I wasn't aware that he was shuffling to sit beside me.

I moved in attempt to get up and succeeded in rising about half way off the step before he took hold of my wrist.

"Landen, please…this isn't the time or place for this. I already know what you're going to say and I just don't want to hear it right now," I fumed as I roughly pulled my hand from his grasp and pushed up completely from the step.

"I love you," Okay, so maybe I hadn't known what he was going to say.

"What? Landen no…no you don't," I said as I looked down at him shaking my head non-stop.

"Yes," He replied with assurance as he pushed up from the stairs, "I do." This wasn't happening. This could not have been happening.

"Love is an understatement of what I feel for you, Jude. I fell in love with you over these past couple of months. I tried so damn hard to just be your friend and producer and just finish the album as professionally as possible. I couldn't help but want to be with you after standing by and watching him dismiss you like he was and you were so damn dedicated to him You're still dedicated to him. Even after what happened with us…"

He was standing in front of me now, a little too close for comfort might I add, "I don't expect you to understand how me and Tommy work. What happened between us was a mistake Landen, a—"

I heard shuffling behind me then; loud shuffling that caused my sentence to fall short and my heart to stop. I turned then suddenly just in time to see the back of Tommy's head as he ducked into his car and peeled out of the parking lot.

"Tommy wait!" I shouted and made an attempt to run after his car, but stopped at the edge of the now empty alley way.

"Shit!" I screamed loudly as I rushed back inside of G-major and ran desperately over to Sadie. The tears fell mercilessly from my eyes.

"Oh my god what the hell happened little sis?" Sadie asked concerned as she pushed up from her chair.

"T-T-Tommy," I sobbed, trying so hard to form words, "H-he," I couldn't manage to get it out.

"He knows?" Sadie asked, and it was a miracle that I could manage to nod my head. "Oh god, Jude, I'm so sorry," Sadie said quickly as she made her way around her desk and pulled me into a hug.

"I-I didn't even g-get the chance to tell him myself. He h-heard, Sadie he heard me and Landen talking," I sobbed harder against Sadie's shoulder as she held me tighter in her arms.

"Did he leave?" She asked as she released me from her arms and held my shoulders while looking at me. I nodded my head.

"Come on baby sis, I'll drive you home."

* * *

As I had expected, he wasn't in the apartment. I had managed to stop crying on the way over after the initial shock of it all finally settled in.

Sadie shut the door behind us as we entered and stopped walking the second we were inside.

"Sade, I need to be alone. I'll just sit here and wait for him." I spoke quietly as I turned to face my sister.

"Are you sure?" Sadie questioned.

"Yeah, I'm sure. I'll just wait for him…and we can talk when…" I paused briefly, "If he comes back." I finished.

"He'll be back Jude. Call me later okay?" I nodded as I walked with Sadie towards the door and shut and locked it behind her.

I made my way through our quiet apartment and began walking down the hall. About half way I stopped walking and collapsed against the hardwood floor and rested my back against the wall. I shrugged my bag and jacket off and let them fall beside me on the floor. And then I just waited.

* * *

Hours flew by, and the once brightened apartment by the sunlight was now completely dark with a few rays of light peering in from the outside street lights. I was lying down now with my cell phone clutched tightly in my hand, waiting, hoping he'd call. I had tried calling him a few times but his phone was off and went straight to voicemail every time.

I heard keys and shuffling outside of the door and quickly shot up into a sitting position. I looked down at my phone and looked at the time. It was now two in the morning.

Tommy wildly stumbled into the apartment, slapping blindly at the door before successfully shutting it. I pushed up from where I had been sitting and waiting in the hallway for the last couple of hours and furiously walked towards him.

"Where the hell have you been?" I demanded angrily as my hands went to my hips.

"Fuck you," He spat out in response and stumbled his way into the living room. Angrily I followed behind him and flicked a light on in the process so that I could see him.

"Fuck me? Oh no I'm sorry you haven't done that in a while," I shot back effortlessly. I was sick and tired of this.

"Oh that's right," Tommy said pausing for a second and slapping a hand dramatically to his forehead, "You had Landen do that,"

I groaned out of frustration and made my way deeper into the living room behind him. "Look…" I stopped and looked over at him, "Are you high?" I asked dumbfounded, and hoped to god he hadn't reduced himself back to that.

"Something like that…and I just drank a little tonight," He replied as he plopped down onto the couch.

"You can't just replace one drug with another Tommy," I stated as I maneuvered my way towards the couch and stopped in front of him.

"Yeah, and you can't just forget you're in a relationship with one person and go fuck another," He shot back quickly.

"Ugh, I'm so sick and tired of beating myself up for this. I knew I should have just told you and not let anyone else have influenced my choice on that. I am sorry I didn't tell you sooner Tommy, but I-"

"How many times did you sleep with him?" He asked calmly. I stared down at him before backing up and sitting down on our coffee table in front of him.

"Only once," I began cautiously, "I never meant for it to happen Tom, but it did, and I'm sorry. It didn't mean anything." I finished as I began to nervously fidget with my hands.

"You fucked another man," He said more to himself than actually addressing me. "W-why would you do that?" He questioned.

"I was mad at you," I replied honestly and continued to stare at him.

"You were mad at me? Do you know how many girls I could have slept with by now if I did it every time I was mad at you Jude? But I never did!" He shouted as he pushed up from the couch. I jumped up then too and grew defensive instantly.

"You weren't here! You've missed everything Tommy. You weren't here," I repeated again softly as my voice began to break, "You were somewhere else entirely, I didn't exist in the world you were in. For months I stood by hoping you'd just come out of it, that you were just going through some little phase or something. But a new month passed by and what—seven months in you were still not here. You missed my Twentieth birthday…hell you missed new years. Did you know its 2008 now and not 2007? Landen only happened because of the fight we had that morning, after you almost hit me…I was so vulnerable, so hurt, and he was there." I admitted while wiping away the few tears that slid down my cheeks.

I continued to keep my eyes locked on his as he simply stared back blankly at me. "W-why did you stay?" He slurred.

"Even through all of it…even though I was in this relationship alone for a long period of time, I still saw the good in you. But when we fought that morning, it was somehow like a last straw I guess, I left here thinking my mind was made up about leaving you. Maybe that's why things happened with Landen when they shouldn't have. I felt that if I left, I don't even think you would have noticed. And then when I came home that night and found you, everything crashed down around me, it all made me feel that much worse. Here I was ready to leave you, had cheated on you, and you were practically dying. After that I kind of felt…I don't know…sort of obligated to stay." I had watched his face closely the entire time I had been confessing these things to him, and during it his face had remained soft and understanding—until the end of it, his face hardened.

"I can't do this anymore," I continued, "I've tried so hard to help you…so hard to be strong enough to do this…I can't anymore. I can't stand around and watch you do _this _to yourself over and over." I finished and then stood in silence.

"Maybe you should go away then. You don't have to take care of me I'm not a fucking baby Jude. I don't need you to take care of me!" He shouted loudly and I felt myself flinch out of reflex. "Just go already, I fucking hate you."

I stood, completely taken aback by his last sentence and fought back the urge to cry. I was done crying.

"I don't know why it is you say and do what you do Quincy, but I forgive you," I murmured quietly.

Tommy stood stiff as a board for a few moments before letting out a loud, raspy laugh. "You…you forgive me?" His laugh grew louder, "Okay," He finished sarcastically as he slowly sat back down on the couch, grabbed the remote and turned the TV on.

"Well, since you want me gone so bad…" I started, watching as he tore his eyes from the TV long enough for me to say the only thing I had left to say, "My contract with G-major will be up soon…I'm supposed to be going to New York in a while for this showcase thing, and I'm going to explore my options. And if I like it out there…I might not come back." I spoke the last part quietly as I cowardly lowered my head to the floor so I didn't have to look at him. I paused then, and let my words take effect.

After a brief moment of complete and utter awkward silence I opened my mouth to say one last thing. "Until then, I'll be going back to my house to stay with my sister. I'll be gone in the morning." And with that I turned on my heel and made my way out of the living room and down the hall, picking up my bag and jacket in the process, and then casually disappearing into the bedroom.


	9. Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight:

**JUDE**

I hadn't been able to sleep at all that night. After I retreated and slipped inside of the bedroom, I shut the door behind me and cried. The tears came instantaneously and I couldn't hold them back. How had I gotten here? How had things fallen apart this badly?

Not bothering to turn on the light, I undressed myself in the dark room in complete silence as the tears silently slid down my cheeks. Blindly I reached out in front of me and removed my robe from the hook on the back of the door and carelessly draped it over my body. Mechanically I then made my way over to our bed and sat down upon the very edge of the mattress. And that was where I remained for the remainder of the night; sitting simply in the early hours of the morning, waiting for the sun to rise.

When the first rays of sun peeped there way inside of the darkened room, I forced myself to look over at the clock resting on top of the nightstand.

**6 : 0 0**

My eyes were swollen and red, dried up now from the tears I now was no longer able to shed, and my body sat tired and limply, not wanting to move. But I managed to remove myself from the mattress finally, after prolonging the movement for a few minutes. I pushed up weakly and began to make my way over to the spacious closet Tommy and I shared—or rather _had _shared—and slowly raised myself on to my tip toes to reach for the lone suitcase that rested on the top shelf. I grabbed the suitcase by its handle and pulled it towards me and down.

After I retrieved the suitcase I made my way back across the far end of the room to where my dresser stood against the wall and immediately began to open them one by one, pulling my clothing and other items as I went; not bothering to fold anything up neatly. When I filled up the space inside of the suitcase I zipped it shut and sat it in the middle of the room and made my way closer to the bed, lowering myself to my knees in the process, and fumbled around beneath it until my hand made contact with what I had been looking for. I pulled the empty black duffle bag up from the ground as I straightened up from the floor, and quickly continued to pack the remainder of my things. I had managed to call a cab in the midst of my packing and when I had finished my tasked, I dressed quickly back in the clothes I had worn the night/morning before, and began to make my way from the room.

Quietly I crept out into the hall; duffle bag draped loosely on one shoulder, and suitcase clutched tightly in my other hand. I reached the end of the hall and pure curiosity caused me to look over into the living room to see if he was still there. And he was. His body lay haphazardly and still against the couch. I felt a small smile unconsciously begin to creep at the corners of my mouth, but my sudden realization of the action halted my lips from doing so. On a sigh I continued to walk towards the door and stopped one last time. Carefully I set my suitcase down against the wooden floor and reached into the back pocket of my jeans. I took a few steps to my left and set my copy of our key onto the kitchen table, before walking back over to my suitcase, picking it up, and walking out of the apartment.

Maybe being apart would do us some good.

* * *

**TOMMY**

I awoke with a splitting headache only to have the sunlight shining right on me. Groaning I slowly began to push up into a sitting position and allowed my feet to drape over the side of the couch and rest against the cold floor. The apartment was completely silent and instantly wondered if she had really left.

Curiously I pushed up from the couch and made my way down the hall to our bedroom. My face fell quickly as soon as I turned the corner and saw that the door was sitting wide open. She had left. I don't think I really expected her to, but I can't say that I blame her; I had acted like a complete asshole last night. But how else was I supposed to react?

Running a hand through my messy hair I turned and looked towards the door. The door was unlocked. Had she forgotten to lock it when she left? How long ago did she even leave?

My eyes sought quickly and found the clock; it was eleven in the morning. Had I just missed her? How long had the door been unlocked like that? How—

Something shiny caught my attention from across the room. Sluggishly I began to make my way towards it, as it sat there, almost taunting me. I reached out for it and brought it up into my hands. Jude's key. What the hell had I done? I had just run off the one and only good thing that had ever happened to me in life. Why couldn't I have just talked to her reasonably instead of being such a jerk? I was drunk and slightly high—that's why. She was right about me…I wasn't the same anymore, no matter how long I've been out of the hospital now and no matter how much "progression" I had begun to make—it wasn't enough. It was all a little too late; and I still wasn't completely changed.

What the hell is wrong with me? Maybe if I went after her…

* * *

I threw my car into park furiously and quickly dislodged myself from it, not even bothering to shut the door as I ran away from it. I rushed up her drive way, ascended the steps and nearly tripped and fell into the door as I went. Mercilessly my fists pounded against her front door as I stood waiting for her to open it up, ready to beg her to forgive me for how I had treated her, ready to tell her that I would get proper help to keep me from ever slipping back into the hole I was in—anything—if she would just open up and talk to me.

The door swung open furiously and I was met with an outraged Sadie.

"What the hell do you want Quincy?" She fumed as she placed her hands on her hips and glared at me.

"Jude? Is she here? She said she'd be here." I stammered breathlessly as I began to look around behind Sadie.

"No, she's not here. She was supposed to be coming here but she called me and told me that she decided she'd just leave for New York early. You're a dick by the way…my sister loved you…she really did Quincy. Buh bye," and with that Sadie slammed the door in my face.

* * *

**JUDE**

"Air Canada flight 202 leaving for New York is now boarding…please have boarding passes ready at the gate…"

The woman's voice overhead broke me from my dream state and I tiredly began to gather my purse and jacket in my hands as I fumbled inside of my purse for my boarding pass. Finding it I began to walk towards the line of people who had assembled in front of the woman collecting tickets. I stood in the line for a few minutes before I finally reached her and handed her my ticket.

"Thank you, have a nice flight," I smiled politely at her and slid passed her onto the terminal.

Well, here goes nothing.


	10. Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine:

**TOMMY**

One week later

_Carefully I turned my Viper into the dark alley way and pulled up alongside the wall to make room later for any other vehicles, or people, that would have liked to pass through. Placing my car in park I released myself from my seatbelt and soon ejected myself from the car and slammed the door shut. I stepped around the front of my car and began walking down the darkened alley, stumbling every so often until I reached my destination. Numbly I climbed the four small steps that led up to the door and lazily fell against the door as I reached it. I slowly lifted my arm up from my side and slid my hand up the door and paused, my palm resting in the center. I pulled it back, balling it into a fist, and tapped lightly upon it. No one answered. I paused briefly, waiting to gather the strength to knock again, but as I went to knock again, I felt a pressure upon my wrist and I turned quickly ready to defend myself._

"_What the hell is wrong with you T? Do you think this would bring her back to you?"_

_I rolled my eyes and pushed away from the man in front of me, "You following me now man? Mind your own damn business, Kwest," _

"_Stop doing this to yourself T…look at you…you've lost everything you once were…stop." _

I sat in my car reflecting back on the night Kwest had confronted me. If he hadn't followed me I don't know where I'd be right now, if I'd even be alive at this point—I certainly never would have guessed I'd be _here_.

How could a building look and be so damned intimidating?

_Clear View Rehabilitation. _

I knew this step was long overdue; this was something I finally had to just get up and do. But why was it proving to be so damn hard?

"Come on Quincy…you need to do this for yourself too, not just for her," I took a deep breath and slowly began to move out of the car.

I snatched my small black duffle bag from the passenger seat, bumped my car door shut with my hip, and made my way up the paved walk way. Here goes nothing.

When I entered through the automatic glass doors, it seemed as though everything began to move in slow motion. People who had been moving around the lobby and interacting in whatever activities before I had entered the building where now looking dead at me. Luckily I was used to be watched.

Flashing my million dollar smile I proceeded to walk towards the front desk. The woman sitting there seemed to be just as phased as anyone else.

"Hi, I'm uh…" I trailed off as the receptionist cut in, "Little Tommy Q,"

"You can call me Tommy," I laughed as I leaned against the counter and looked more closely at the woman, "Kimberly….I'd like to check myself in," I said in a bit of whisper.

"Oh," The woman moved then quickly and began fumbling with a few things in front of her, "You'll need to fill out these here and we'll need to do a quick search of your things if you don't mind," She said as she nodded towards my bag.

"Of course," I replied, slightly amused.

"I can take you up to the office so you can fill those out and speak to one of the staff members while someone goes through your bag," She told me as she gathered a stack of papers and a pen in her hand and made her way around the desk.

"Follow me," I did just as she told and followed her up the grand staircase near the entrance.

"Counseling is here upstairs, as well as the rooms and downstairs are the lobby, and the guest lounge area, which you'll have to work your way up to in points, our staff member will explain that to you more, and the cafeteria is also downstairs…" As Kimberly continued to speak I subconsciously began to stop paying attention, but continued to follow her.

We stopped in front of a closed door and Kimberly reached out and tapped lightly. A soft, muffled "Come in," came from behind the door. Kimberly turned the knob and pushed the door open.

A woman in her mid-twenties sat behind a large mahogany desk chatting away on the telephone. She was scribbling away on a notepad, her head lowered in concentration. It took a minute or two before she lifted her head and noticed Kimberly and myself standing in front of her.

"I'll have to call you back," She said robotically into the phone and placed it on the phone base.

She looked over skeptically at Kimberly and opened her mouth to begin to speak, but I took the liberty of introducing myself.

"Tom Quincy," I smiled warmly at her and slowly extended my hand out towards her.

"Ah Mr. Quincy, I'm fully aware of who you are," When she did not offer her hand in return I quickly lowered my arm back at my side.

"Kim, can you send Ernie in to go through Mr. Quincy's things please,"

Kimberly nodded and quickly left the room.

"I didn't uh catch your name…" I trailed off then waiting for her to tell me it.

"I didn't throw it." She replied through tight lips as she flipped her long, curly brown locks off of her shoulders.

Hmm, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. I smiled at her and looked down at her desk, catching a peak at the name plate on her desk.

"Mackenzie Grove," I said out loud, tapping lightly on the name plate.

"There's nothing I hate more than a washed up celebrity with your kind of personality Mr. Quincy. I'm assuming you're here for a reason, and that reason is no joking matter."

The smile on my lips soon faded and I shoved my hands inside of my pockets. "You're right, I'm sorry." I apologized quickly. Something about this woman almost frightened me.

"Please take a seat Mr. Quincy and let's get these papers filled out." Mackenzie motioned for me to take a seat in front of her desk and I willingly complied.

"Ernie here," as if on cue, a tall, muscular, dark haired man entered the office, "Will go through your belongings, a lot of which will probably will taken away for the length of your stay and returned to you upon your departure," I nodded and looked away to watch Ernie take my bag from me, sit it on top of a table on the far end of the office and begin to go through it.

"Like your hair gel," Mackenzie began, and I shot my head back around to look at her, "You're kidding right? What am I going to do with that? Sniff it too much and it's terribly heavy fumes will kill me?"

I heard a laugh come from out in the hall and I turned my attention to focus on who it came from. A girl, with bright red hair, who looked to be in her teens, stood staring at me, her hand instantly slapping over her mouth when she saw I was looking back at her.

"Prudence," Mackenzie said sternly and the girl fled from the hallway in a rush.

"She…"

"I'm sorry about that…anyways, your hair gel will be returned to you when you're released…as well as your nail file, razor, finger nail clipper…" As Mackenzie listed off the things that were being confiscated, I could tell by the look on her face that she wanted to make fun of half the items in my possession, but she refrained.

When I was done filling out the necessary papers and Ernie had finished taking away more than half of the things I came with, Mackenzie and I exited her office and made our way down the hall to the men's quarter of the rehab center.

"You actually happen to not have a roommate at the moment; the other guy that used to be in this room was released the other day, so you'll get to enjoy being alone for some time probably," We stopped in front of a room at the far end of the hall and Mackenzie pushed the door open.

"As Kimberly probably began to explain when you first arrived, you'll have to earn points here to obtain certain privileges like the guest lounge and stuff…and locks, if you hadn't noticed, there was no lock on your room door when we entered."

I nodded, "And how do you earn points?" I asked.

"By doing choirs, participating in group discussions and activities, your personal therapy sessions, and how you interact with the other guests in general. And how well you do with overall progress…it's going to be hard Mr. Quincy…from what you've told me, you've been struggling quite a bit already with trying to break your habit, the longer you fight your urges the harder it's going to be for you not to want to break in to the pressure."

I nodded again, "I completely understand. I need to do this. I'm ready to do this."

Mackenzie smiled at me for a fraction of a second before her mouth once again formed back into that tight lip frown.

"You can get yourself settled in now. Dinner is at five in the cafeteria…and if you feel up to, there's a group discussion in about an hour downstairs in the meeting room. I'll leave you now."

And with that Mackenzie excused herself and left me alone in the quiet room.

* * *

After I got situated in my prison cell—I like to refer to it as that rather than the "room" it actually is—I made my way downstairs to look for the meeting room. I had only been in this place for a good thirty minutes so I had yet to learn where everything was.

I made way through the lobby and began to walk through what I assumed was the guest lounge, where I was certain I wasn't quite allowed to be in yet. But I was only passing through.

As I made my way through the lounge I spotted the teenage girl from the hallway. I stopped and made my way over to where she sat at a piano in the center of the room. She was toying with a melody on the keys as I came up beside her and she hadn't noticed I was standing there until I spoke.

"It's Prudence…right?"

She looked up, startled, her blue eyes wide with shock. She managed to nod at me as her fingers slipped away from the keys.

"I uh…I didn't mean to eavesdrop earlier," She said apologetically, as she nervously began to tug on the corner of her long sleeved shirt.

"It's alright…you play?" I asked, nodding towards the piano. She shrugged her shoulders and lowered her head so that she was no longer looking up at me.

"Somewhat…I'm not really all that good or anything," She muttered lowly.

"Hey, never belittle yourself like that," I said warmly, and watched as she slowly lifted her head to look up at me.

"Thanks. I hate that name by the way," She said suddenly, and must have seen the puzzled look on my face, "Prudence…I hate that. Just call me Jukebox; it's what most people around here call me anyway."

"Care to elaborate?" I asked curiously as I continued to watch her toy nervously with her sleeve.

"I like to sing…and most times I walk around here singing anything and everything," A small smile crept at the corner of her mouth.

"Alright, I'll call you Jukebox." I replied.

"And what should I call you, Little Tommy Q?" She laughed lowly and then grew serious again in a matter of seconds when she saw I hadn't laughed. "I'm sorry; you must get that a lot. I'm just a stupid fifteen year old…though I was never into Boyz Attack or anything, I know who you are."

"You can call me Tommy," I said as I shoved my hands inside of my pockets, something I did completely out of habit when I had nothing else to do with my hands.

"You date Jude Harrison, right?" Hearing Jude's name caused me to flinch some.

"I was," I replied, clearing my throat shortly after.

"Oh," Prudence mumbled as she began to push up from the piano.

"Yeah, and then…all this happened."

"I'm sorry," Prudence said softly with a half smile on her face, "I won't mention it again," she promised.

"It's alright, you really remind me a lot of her," I said, allowing a small smile to spread across my face as I made a mental image of her in my head.

"Really…I doubt Jude is anything like me. And let's hope so." Prudence said a bit dismissively.

Before I could respond Mackenzie's voice chimed in from behind me.

"Lost Mr. Quincy?"

I turned around slowly and looked at her. She was standing with her hands on her hips, tight lip frown still on her face.

"Actually kind of yeah….I was looking for the meeting room and just started talking to Pru…Jukebox here," I paused for a moment then continued, "I know I'm not supposed to be in the guest lounge, you can save the speech on that. Just point me in the right direction and then I'm on my way."

Mackenzie cleared her throat and then pointed a finger to the right. "You were almost there. Prudence, are you going to join group discussion today?" Prudence nodded her head and then began to move from around the piano.

"It was nice talking to you Jukebox," Prudence smiled nervously and then walked off to the meeting room.

When I turned Mackenzie was there practically in my face with this disapproving look. "Relax Ms. Grove; I was just talking to the kid. I didn't do anything wrong."

"Prudence usually doesn't talk to people," Mackenzie said lowly as she looked up at me in amazement.

"Are you joining us for group?" Mackenzie asked, "I was thinking about it…but it's my first day here…I'm not really sure if I…um…yeah, I'll sit in." I replied quickly.

"Alright then, follow me."

And with that I followed Mackenzie across the guest lounge and into the meeting room.


	11. Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten:

**JUDE**

I'm sitting on a black leather couch that's placed in the center of the overly extravagant hotel room, feet tucked in beneath me, over indulging on some much needed Vanilla Swiss almond Häagen-Dazs ice cream. The television sits across from me, emitting sound to something I'm not even bothering to watch. I've been here a week now and this has pretty much become an every day afternoon routine for me; sitting in this exact spot, donning the same pajamas and shoving my face with ice cream. It's not like I've been eating much of anything else. I've been a complete mess since I've gotten here; feeling incapable of doing anything, let alone preparing for a showcase that's supposed to win over the big execs of the major record companies out here.

The loud music shooting from my cell phone instantly breaks me from my thoughts as I untuck my feet from under my body and lean forward, dropping my spoon inside of the ice cream carton and set it down before lifting my phone up from the table, flipping it open before it reaches my ear, and hit talk.

"Hey Sadie," I mutter lowly into the phone, releasing a heavy sigh as I allow my body to sink back into the couch.

"Hey lil sis, how's the big apple treating you?"

I roll my eyes and almost know that Sadie can tell I did it without even being able to see me right now.

"Did you really call for small talk?" Or to pester me more about Tommy, I of course don't say this out loud.

"I…no I didn't, but I'll get to the reason why I'm calling in a second I swear."

I close my eyes, clear my throat, and then open my eyes back up. "What's up Sadie?" I ask, growing slightly irritated with my annoying yet loving sister. Isn't the younger child supposed to be the annoying one?

"God I love you too, Jude. I haven't talked to you in like a week. Well, aside from when you called me when you first got there—"Oh god, here she goes with that mouth of hers.

"Sadie, will you stop rambling please," I plead quietly into the phone. I know she's just trying to stall and save time from getting to the reason why she's calling.

"Well…do you want the semi-bad news or…" Great, bad news on top of even worse news was never good.

"How bad are both of the things you need to say? How about you use your best judgment and break the easier one to me first," I say, nodding my head in agreement to my own words as I wait for my sister to weigh the two options.

"Okay well…you know Darius is more or less pleased with the fact that you're off showcasing your talent…his ego gives him reason to believe that you'll find the Big City uninteresting or something and you'll come back to G-Major and renew with no problems," I nod to myself and find a tiny smirk creeping upon the corners of my mouth.

"Sounds like D…" I trail off, waiting for her to continue.

"Anyways…what he's not so happy about is that you left so abruptly without giving him a heads up—" I begin to protest, "I didn't know I was going to leave—" Sadie cuts back in, "Let me _finish_," I shut my mouth just as quickly as I had opened it to respond.

"He would be fine with it; however, you left without completing the final two tracks on your album, so he's pissed right now. But…" Sadie didn't even need to finish the rest of her sentence. I knew where this was going. And surely enough, just soon after thinking it, his name left her mouth.

"When is he coming?" I spoke numbly into the phone. The last thing I honestly needed right now, was to be confronted with Landen.

"I'm not sure exactly…but I do know that he flew out like the other day, so he's definitely already in New York, just hasn't made his way to getting to you yet." Good, I'm glad he's been putting it off. Maybe he wouldn't even bother—hey, one can hope.

"Okay. Despite the headache this is sure to cause me; I'm assuming that was only the semi-bad news."

I hear Sadie sigh through the line, "You assume correctly, but I'm not even sure I want to give this news." Oh god, did something happen to Quincy?

I play cool, try to remain calm, "What is it, Sadie?" So much for staying calm, the second my mouth opened that sentence came out in one big cloud of worry.

"Kwest ran into Tommy a week ago. A few days after you left…he says Tom looked really bad."

I swallow the vile feeling that has slowly formed in my throat. "Where did he run into him at?" I question.

"Well, Kwest sort of followed him…I guess you could say…but he saw Tommy trying to get into one of the well-known drug spots down here…Kwest was sure Tommy had definitely used before going there and—"

"Why are you telling me this?" I say quickly, immediately interjecting. I can feel my heart tightening thinking that I had sent him right back to where he had started.

"Jude…he just kind of disappeared. No one has seen him since Kwest ran into him."

My mouth falls open wide, "Oh," I barely manage to let out. "Have you uh…heard from him? Has anyone at least heard from him?"

I hear Sadie hesitating on the other side of the line and slowly shut my eyes as I already assume the answer.

"No one has heard from him."

I feel the tears making there way through the closed slit of my lids and feel my breath catch in my chest.

"This is my fault." I stammer out almost inaudibly.

"Jude, this is not your fault. You're reading too much into this. Tommy could be fine," She stumbles over her words and corrects her sentence, "Tommy _is _fine, okay? For all we know maybe he finally went and got help….and even if something has happened to him, it is _not _your fault Jude, so stop beating yourself up."

"I should come home. I'm not cut out to do this…I'm not cut out to be here alone right now. I'm going to come home."

"Stop, Jude. You're going to stay in New York, do you hear me? Call Kat up, I'm sure a familiar face…one you don't want to punch out," She swiftly tosses the reference towards Landen in there, "will do you some good. You need this, Jude. It's like a short, well deserved vacation you need. You do need this…you needed this, Jude."

"You're right. Thanks, Sadie. I guess I could give Kat a call…she'll probably kill me for not calling her sooner." I wipe the tears out of the corner of my eyes and smear the ones that have shed down my cheeks to the side.

"There's the Jude I know! Call up Kat and hit the town or something. Make the most of your trip there. Don't let that showcase or anything else get to you right now."

I smile against the receiver, "I won't. Thanks again, Sadie. I'll give Kat a call as soon as I hang up with you, promise."

"You better. I'll even call her later to make sure you did." My sister threatens playfully. I laugh into the phone and whisper a quick and loving, "Bye Sades, love you."

"Love you too, lil sis."

After ending my call with Sadie I somehow manage to force myself up from the couch long enough to feel inspired not sit around and wallow anymore. After I called Kat, I even gathered up the energy to shower and dress in something other than my pajamas.

Shortly after sliding into a pair of black skinny jeans and a long-sleeved gray button-up shirt I padded back into the living room area of my suite just in time to hear the loud knock sounding from the door. I smiled softly to myself and slowly crossed the room to answer it.

Standing in the hallway, in a one of a kind, extreme as ever, Kat Benton designs, is my old best friend herself.

"Kat!" I exclaimed loudly as I pulled my friend into a tight hug before she had any chance to yell at me for not keeping in contact much.

When I release her and pull back to look at her she's glaring at me. Well at least I managed to keep the peace for a few seconds.

"Oh come on, Benton, don't give me that look." I beg, pouting at her.

"No last name usage, Harrison, we have to build back up to that," She says, trying to keep a serious look on her face before she bursts into laughter.

"Oh come in already," I say, joining in with her small laughter as I take her by the wrist and pull her into my suite.

"Wow, this suite is bigger than my apartment!" Kat shouts in amazement, "This must cost you an arm and a leg to stay here a night. Why didn't you just call me up and ask if you could stay with me?" She asks, placing her hands upon her hips.

"And pass this up?" I joke, immediately trying to avoid the topic of why I'm here sooner than I need to be. Kat shoots a stern look in my direction and I instantly release a sigh.

"Trouble in Tommy town," She guesses, and hits the nail dead on.

"Yeah, you could say that. If you were back home you'd probably been aware of everything by now. There's nothing the media _doesn't _know about."

"Or, if someone would have kept in touch like they were supposed to I wouldn't be left in the dark." Kat snaps back playfully.

"Oh please little Miss Fashionista, that's a two sided road there. You could have just as easily called me up." I shoot back.

"Touché," She smirks and follows me further into the suite, "Well you can fill me in now." She offers, slyly trying to pry.

"It's a long story…" I begin in a protest of sorts. She smiles and slowly sinks down onto the couch. "It's the weekend, and I have nothing else to do. So I'm ready when you are."

I sigh and casually walk across the room and sit down beside her. "Well…" I begin.

* * *

A few short hours later, Kat is sitting on the couch staring down at me in shock, as I lay sprawled out on the floor with my feet propped up on the couch.

"Oh my god, Jude, no wonder you haven't called," She says this almost apologetically, "I wish you would have though…that must've been hell for you." She finishes as she slides down beside me on the floor.

"Mm, well it's over and done with now. Sadie called me today though, no one has heard from Tommy in a week and fucking Landen is in New York." I sigh out of frustration and shift my head to the side so that I can look at her.

"Did he follow you here?"

No, but that's what Quincy should have done. I shrug that thought of my mind and shake my head, "No, Darius sent him after me. When I left I did it completely in the heat of the moment. But I didn't finish the last two songs for the album, so naturally Darius is probably having an aneurism." We both laugh out loud at the thought as tears spring to our eyes.

"I needed that laugh. I can seriously just picture D now," I laugh harder and push up into a sitting position to allow myself to breathe better. Clutching my stomach tightly I cry out, "Okay stop my stomach hurts, Kat," We both try to stop laughing but fail miserably, soon the laughter subsides all on its own.

"So, is this Landen guy good looking at all," I chuckle and grin as I push up from the floor. "God Kat, you sure know how to ruin a moment." I toss a pillow from the couch down at her and she catches it before it smacks her in the face.

"Hey! I resent that. I was just curious. I'm sure he's a dream. You always seem to find the best ones," Kat groans as she pushes up from the floor.

"Yeah yeah and they somehow seem to come along with baggage."

"Oh whatever," Kat says as she tosses the pillow back at me, "Enough about this drama. What do you say we hit the town tonight?" I groan and let my head fall back briefly before I bring it back down and look at her.

"I'm not even Twenty-One yet, I probably couldn't even get in anywhere." I begin to pile on the excuses instantly.

"You're so predictable, Harrison," Kat says and shakes her head at me as she moves over to the couch where her purse sits. She pulls it open and frantically begins to dig inside in search of something.

"Bite your tongue, Benton, I am n—"I stop talking as she removes what she was looking for from her purse and waves it at me.

"I think it's time Jude Andrews graced us with her presence again," She tosses the thin layer of plastic in my direction and I catch it without delay.

"Who I'm clearly not," I laugh. Jamie and I were over forever ago.

Kat laughs too and smiles, "Whatever, you can be whoever tonight. Your not back home where everybody knows you and follows your every move,"

I nod at her. "You make a valid point," I say surrendering.

Kat smiles victoriously, "I always do. Now let's get dolled up and take New York by storm!"

* * *

We're dressed and leaving my hotel at a quarter to ten. Kat insisted on, and succeeded in making me look like I just stepped out of a rap video. Self-consciously I tugged on the bottom of the dress—or rather shirt—Kat somehow got me into, as we sauntered out of the hotel lobby and onto the busy New York streets.

"God Kat, can you please hurry and flag down a taxi, someone might mistake me for a hooker," I snapped, while still trying to tug the dress down to where it clearly wasn't meant to stretch and keep my balance in these ridiculous stilettos all at the same time.

Kat laughed at me, she actually had the nerve to laugh at me. I was dressed in less material than it took to make a pillow case while Kat was fully clothed in jeans and halter top.

She rolled her eyes at me, "Relax, you can be anybody tonight, remember?"

"I'm sorry; I didn't know I was taking on the identity of one of Shay's booty girls." I shot back as Kat waved furiously out to the street. Instantly a taxi appeared along the curb in front of us.

"Let's go hot stuff!" Kat exclaimed with a fit of laughter as I stepped forward and she smacked my ass.

I stopped and looked over my shoulder, glaring at her before I ducked into the taxi. "I will kill you," I threatened as Kat slid in beside me. "Oh stop, we're going to have a good time." Kat attempted to assure me before turning and telling the driver where to go.

Thirty minutes later we arrive in front of a club that seems to have more people in its line than I've seen at one of my shows.

"Kat, I don't think we're ever going to get into this place," I say dumbfounded while staring blankly out the window as Kat quickly pays the driver and begins to get out of the taxi.

I slide across the seat, my exposed legs and thighs sticking to the leather seat which makes it harder for me to get out. But I successfully stagger out of the cab behind Kat on the pavement, pressing my hand up against the taxi for support as I try to steady my balance in the heels so far out of my comfort zone. Kat grips my wrists and pulls me from against the cab just seconds before the driver sped away from the curb. Well, that certainly would have had me on my ass.

"Thanks," I say completely shocked as Kat releases my wrists from her grasp and turns towards the club.

"I know the guy who works the door, we'll get in," She says with assurance as she quickly strides passed the long line of people. I struggle clumsily behind her to keep up.

By the time we reach the door, I'm more than sure that every person we passed in line is pretty pissed off at the fact that these two nobodies—well I'm somebody back home—just passed them in line and made it inside within one minute.

Kat and I enter the club and I'm immediately taken aback; it's absolutely gorgeous. There's a huge bar lined up against the far left side of the room, that has to be the longest bar I've ever seen in my life mind you. Tables and booths are set up around the different spots of the club, leaving a wide open space in the center of the room for the dance floor. The lighting is set very dim, with various strobe lights bouncing off the many mirrors that reside on the walls around the entire room.

"There's a whole other section upstairs too," Kat shouts into my ear over the music. "Come on, I'll show you the upstairs," I shoot her a look and then look down at my feet.

"I'll pass on that for now, let's just get a drink," I suggest and watch my friend nod my words and nudge me over towards the bar.

There's a line of people already resting at the counter, some sitting, but mostly standing. Kat and I approach the counter; I grip it for support purpose as Kat flags down the bartender. While we stand there waiting for one of the bartenders to make their way down the line of people and over to us I scan the room. The place is already filled with so many people its ridiculous. I'm about to turn to Kat to tell her what I want to drink so she'll already know when the bartender reaches us when I feel a hand touch my shoulder. I spin around quickly, loosing my footing in the process, and if it hadn't been for the set of arms wrapping around my waist I would have fallen straight on my face. When I was brought back up to where I could stand again and keep my balance on my own, I turned around to face the person who had just saved me from complete embarrassment—and immediately almost wished I had fallen.

"Landen," I breathe out on a sigh. Great, of all the places to be, he's here.

Kat turns around now upon hearing this and her eyes practically bulge out of her head. She leans in closely to me and whispers, "Oh he's a babe, Jude…pursue that further!"

I turn away from Landen for a second and glare at my friend, "Kat! No thanks…I'm just fine without any man right now," I say through gritted teeth. "Mmhmm…or just completely hung up on a particular one."

"Whatever, not the point," I hiss at her before turning back to look at Landen who's staring at me.

I look at him and take in what he has on; all the while avoiding looking at his face. He's dressed like he's out for a wedding or something.

"I assume Darius called you?" He asks, "Yeah…well my sister did, so yeah…you found me, surprise," I reply sarcastically as I watch him dig into the jacket pocket of his suit and pull out a card.

This is when I finally look him in the eyes as he hands me the card. "We only have to songs to finish, so it shouldn't take too long, and your showcase isn't for another two weeks, so we have some time…meet me there tomorrow at noon," He says, or rather _orders _as he taps on the card.

"Sure," I say, my eyes suddenly narrowing as I spot something on his face, "What happened to your eye?" Instinctively my hand darts up to touch his face before my brain ever realizes I'm doing it.

"Your boyfriend paid me a visit…you know, the night he found out…" I gasp. Damn, couldn't say Quincy wasn't passionate. And surprisingly Landen _still _had a black eye after a week.

He pushes my hand away from his face and takes my hand into his, "Don't drink too much tonight," he mutters before releasing my hand and disappearing in a crowd.

Maybe if he hadn't basically demanded it I would have listened. Now I'd like to just do it to piss him off.


	12. Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven:

**TOMMY**

Trailing slowly behind a small group of people, I kept a tiny gap between them and myself as we all piled into the open room. Upon entering I took in the large circle of chairs in the middle of the room that expanded outward along side the walls of the room—and immediately had a feeling that this group discussion was going to become some form of exhibition. I watched as one by one the patients of the center began to fill the once empty seats and soon found myself sitting last in the only remaining seat, which ended up being beside Mackenzie.

I watched Mackenzie carefully as she positioned a clip board comfortably on her lap and examined it momentarily before she jotted something down on one of the pages before looking up and around at the group.

"Okay, so anyone—oh excuse me, where are my manners…everyone, this here is Mr. Quincy, he's new to Clear view so we should all make him feel at home,"

Because _that_ was going to happen, I thought silently to myself as I looked around the group of unfamiliar faces and smiled faintly at them as some of them clapped and others muttered welcome greetings. Mackenzie crossed one leg over the other and placed the clip board slightly upright where the bottom rested against her thigh and she kept it propped up with one hand while in her other hand she grasped her pen.

"Does anyone feel brave enough to start off the session today?" Mackenzie asked meekly while her eyes drifted along every face in the room. I caught a side glance directed at me; almost as if she wanted me to, or had expected me to, jump right in.

A hand rose shyly in the air and Mackenzie shifted her attention to it at once. "Thank you, Ryan," She said politely while smiling warmly at a young man.

"I'm getting closer to feeling no sense of urge or desire at all to be sucked back into my old habits," Ryan began confidently, watching as Mackenzie kept her eyes on him and nodded her head as he spoke. "That's good Ryan," she spoke quickly and quietly allowing Ryan to continue.

"I need to keep this confidence up because I'm being released soon…I don't want to get out of here and end up right back where I was, you know?"

After Ryan was done sharing his experiences, Mackenzie began calling on people individually, and most people spoke up without any hesitation.

"Prudence…did you want to share today?" I had almost forgotten that Prudence was even in the room; she had remained so silent and somehow managed to be almost invisible.

Her head was lowered and her eyes were focused so intently on her lap that when Mackenzie first spoke her name, Prudence didn't budge. I remembered then Mackenzie mentioning that Prudence didn't really like to talk, which is why she had been so stunned that she had talked to me.

Slowly, but surely, Prudence lifted her head and looked across the room at Mackenzie. She kept her eyes locked on Mackenzie's for a moment without blinking or making any movement at all. "I'm scared," she admitted, her eyes finally blinking shut and then opening again.

"Of what," Mackenzie breathes out softly, quietly encouraging Prudence to go on.

Prudence shifts on her chair, bringing her legs up and bending her knees until they're pressed against her chest, and wraps her arms tightly around her legs. "Going home," she whispers as she sets her chin down on top of one of her knees.

I notice Mackenzie shift uncomfortably in her seat as she continues to stare over in Prudence's direction. "I'll only end up right back here…or worse," she mumbles quietly while shifting her eyes away from Mackenzie and gazing down at the floor.

"Why do you think you'd end up back here, Prudence? You're doing well here…where else do you think you'd end up?" Mackenzie questions Prudence nicely, not trying to force an answer out of her at all.

"Because I'd rather be here…or gone completely" she says slowly shrugging her shoulders, her eyes remaining locked on the tiled floor.

It's my turn to shift uncomfortably on my chair as I look over at Prudence, equally parts intrigued and completely scared for the girl.

"You're having those thoughts again?" Prudence lifts her head upon hearing Mackenzie's question and quickly drops her legs back down to the floor. "I don't want to talk about this anymore," She says hurriedly as she pushes up from the chair and darts out of the room.

I turn to look at Mackenzie, who bites her lip—in what I'm guessing is out of frustration—and jots something down on her clip board.

"That's all for today guys," Mackenzie says, her voice slightly strained. I stay seated while everyone else exits the room besides me and Mackenzie.

"I almost got her to open up," She sighs as she pushes up from the chair and clutches her clip board to her chest.

"What's wrong with her?" I ask concerned as I begin to follow Mackenzie from the room.

"Oh, I'm not inclined to share that sort of information with you Mr. Quincy, that's completely confidential. Unless Prudence opens up willingly in group session or to you privately, it's frankly none of your business." Mackenzie responds as we enter into the guest lounge area and begin to walk through it.

I raise my hands up in the air in defeat, "Call me Tommy, and excuse the heck out of me for just asking a question," I surrender. Mackenzie stops walking and narrows her eyes at me. "Are you planning on sharing all of your personal information just like that?" She asks, snapping her fingers for effect.

I smile smugly, "I actually was going to right after Prudence finished," I say, releasing a chuckle as Mackenzie rolls her eyes and then starts walking away.

Over her shoulder as she ascended the staircase, Mackenzie spoke loudly, "Dinner is in about a half hour," and with that she jogged up the stairs and out of site.

I sat around the main lobby browsing through a newspaper for the next half hour until it was time to shuffle into the cafeteria for dinner. Again, I had been the last person to arrive which had put a limitation on where I could sit—although, a lot of people had been willing to give up their seats instantaneously for me.

I fell into step in the long line assembled in front of the counter where servers stood on the other side of it, serving people what they asked for from the selection of foods—most of which didn't look consumable. When I reached one of the servers the only option I had left to choose from was meatloaf—or least that's what I think it was. Smiling at the woman in front of me I grimaced as she dropped a hefty piece of meatloaf onto my tray accompanied by two generous scoops of mashed potatoes. I swallowed the lump that had risen in my throat as I lifted the tray in a salute like manner at the woman before turning away from the counter. This was like a mix between high school and prison all in one.

Before I moved completely away from the counter I grabbed a bottle of water and made my way towards the tables, most of which were filled to maximum capacity. I was about to move out into the lobby and just eat at the staircase when I noticed Prudence sitting alone at a table far back in the corner of the cafeteria. I then took it upon myself to go on over and make conversation.

"Hey, mind if I sit down?" I asked, as I begin to lower myself down across from her at the table before she even answered.

"Sure, knock yourself out," She said sourly without even looking up at me. What had happened to the semi-friendly girl from earlier?

"Thanks," I say as I attempt to remove the plastic barrier from over my eating utensils. I hear a slight laugh from across the table and look over at Prudence. "And she laughs," I say and smile triumphantly as the plastic slides from over my utensils.

"Just wait til you eat your meatloaf," she mutters amusedly under her breath as she lifts her piece of pizza to her lips.

I narrow my eyes skeptically at her before taking my fork and trying to dig into the huge chunk of meat on my tray. I hear a fit of laughter burst from across from me as my fork bends inside of the meat and breaks, the top portion of the fork flying across the table and behind Prudence.

"Word of advice," she offers, and I nod my head, "eat pizza on meatloaf days. Get here earlier," She settles down after a moment more of laughing at my expense and pushes her tray towards me. "You can have my other piece," she says politely.

"Thanks, but you should—"

"Take it before I change my mind. Besides, I'm sure you don't want to chip a tooth or anything. I hear people in the lime light value their smiles," she laughs as she shoves the tray closer to me until I finally lift the slice of pizza from the tray and set it down on my own.

She pulls the tray back towards her and begins to poke at her salad. "Thanks, but I'm hardly in the lime light these days," I mumble as I lift the pizza to my lips.

"Yeah, what happened to you? I think I remember seeing you prance around in parachute pants," A wide grin settles upon her face as she looks over at me, waiting for my reaction.

"First off, I never pranced, and secondly, I'm going to bring parachute pants back," even I had to join in on the laughter as the sentence left my mouth.

"Oh man, that would be the day," She laughed, unconsciously then pushing the sleeves of her shirt up her arms.

My eyes barely caught sight of and shifted away from something, before returning to and setting upon the dark crimson marks on her arms. I almost choked on my pizza when I realized what they were.

"What happened?" I asked, even though I already knew. She stared back at me almost out of confusion before lowering her eyes to her arms and understanding what I meant.

"Oh," she muttered under breath, "nothing," she continued while tugging her sleeves back down. "I uh, I should get going. I have a private session with Mackenzie scheduled, bye," she rushed her words out so quickly I barely made them out. And she had fled from the cafeteria almost as quickly as she had spoken; leaving her tray behind.

Deep down I knew that girl had a dark story buried beneath her and those scars. And something told me that she didn't only have physical, and visible scars, but something further beneath the surface. And I was going to find out the story behind the girl.

* * *

**JUDE**

The next morning when I wake up I swear it feels like I got kicked in the head continuously until I blacked out or something. My head is literally _pounding_. In my attempt at pissing Landen off last night, I managed not only to consume more alcohol than a human actually should, which would initially piss Landen off today because he'd have to deal with me—but, I had also managed to piss off half the female population of New York because I, more or less, did something somewhat inappropriate with their boyfriends. I don't even know how I got back to the hotel last night to tell you the truth.

Thankfully, I'm now buried comfortably beneath the thick covers of my king size bed, and all would be well if it wasn't for the incessant pounding in my head and the uncomfortable pressure placed against my ribs right now. I grumble and move, pushing the covers from over my head and looking down at the foot of the bed, only to find Kat spread out wildly. I'd laugh, if my head wasn't killing me and the sunlight wasn't adding to that discomfort. I nudge my friend's knee from against my ribs and slowly slide out of the bed. The second my feet touch the carpeted floor I'm forced to place my hands against the mattress for support. The room seemed to be spinning now. Great plan last night, Jude totally fantastic plan.

Pausing for a moment I look down and take note that I had fallen asleep in my "outfit" from last night and then make my way out of the room quietly so as not to wake Kat, and enter the sitting area of my suite. I glance around the room for the clock and my eyes practically bulge out of my head.

"Oh shit," I repeat over and over as I begin to search frantically for my cell phone that is now ringing somewhere throughout the suite.

I trip over the stilettos I wore last night and Kat's sneakers and hit the floor hard, however, land right in front of my cell phone.

"Hello!" I shout into the receiver, barely catching the call.

"Studio…now," I hear back in response followed by a _click_ and a dial tone.

"Nice going, Jude," I grumble as I push up from the floor and make my way back into the room to get dressed.

When I enter I spot Kat shooting up awake on the bed and sprinting into the bathroom, while managing a quick, "Good morning," before disappearing behind the closed door.

I laugh and make my way over to my suitcase and begin to rummage through it like a crazy person. I can't believe I managed to sleep until two in the afternoon—it was not going to be pretty when I finally made it to the Capitol Records. Frantically I tore a pair of loose fitting, light blue ripped jeans and a loose, white button up shirt. Quickly I pulled the dress that was clinging to my body off and dressed in a hurry. Kat was coming from the bathroom as I was hopping inside of my jeans and out of the bedroom.

"Are you leaving?" She asked, sluggishly following me out into the sitting room.

"Yeah, unfortunately…I'm super fucking late right now and probably in a shit load of trouble, which you know I wouldn't really care right now…if it wasn't Darius who called and shouted at me." I responded, slightly out of breath as I stumbled towards the door and slid my faded chucks onto my feet.

"You can stay here…make yourself at home okay? I have no idea when I'm going to get back, but please stay as long as you'd like or leave if you'd like." I tell her as I snatch my bag up from off the floor and reach out for the door knob.

"Hey, can you toss me that hoodie please?" I ask, and wait for Kat to grab and toss my dark green hoodie across the room at me.

"Thanks Kat, you're a doll! I'll see you later okay?" I shout while pulling the door open and disappearing out into the hallway.

When I finally make it down and out of the lobby of the hotel and onto the busy streets I immediately rush to the edge of the side walk and wildly attempt to flag down a cab. Last night, I wouldn't have had any problems getting a taxi in this city. Finally after ten minutes—and at this point I had begun to jog down the street so that I was at least making some distance—I managed to flag down one.

"One-fifty…fifth…avenue…please," I manage to spit out as I gasp for air.

I arrive in front of Capitol Records around fifteen minutes later and rush to and through the main lobby to the elevators. I pull the card Landen had given me last night as I slip into an elevator and push the sixth floor button. When the doors slide open I stumble out, completely out of breath, and at this point—a complete mess. Tiredly I strut over to the Receptionist's desk and lean against the counter. Before I can open my mouth to say anything to the woman I hear a voice chime in from behind me.

"Can't you follow the simplest instructions?"

I suck my teeth and turn around, hands instinctively going to my hips. I narrow my eyes at Landen and glare. If I hadn't been completely out of breath I would have said something back.

"Spare me the diva tantrum and get your ass over here and into studio A with me," I grind my teeth and hold back on cursing at him in front of all of the employees in the building.

It isn't until we're in the studio and the door is shut that I begin to speak. "Look I'm sorry okay, I—"

"Went and got drunk anyway when I told you not to. Did you think I was just trying to be a jerk and boss you around?" Landen hisses through gritted teeth.

"I don't know! But I know I don't take orders from you," I hissed back as I got in his face.

"Whatever Jude, we don't have time for you to be doing this right now. I told you not to get drunk and act a damn fool last night because I have your best interest at heart," he shot back as he crossed the room and took a seat in front of the soundboard.

"Oh right, sure, Landen, of course you do," I said, crossing the room now too and dropping my bag to the floor as I plopped down into the chair beside him.

Landen released a deep sigh as he shifted in his chair to face me, "Look, leaving all drama behind back in Toronto…we have an album to finish okay? Strictly professional now, you don't have to worry about another peep from me about a previous incident, I promise," he assured me.

I leaned back comfortably in my chair and stared blankly back at Landen. Was he serious? Maybe Tommy had knocked some sense into him.

"Okay, let's finish this album." I exclaimed as I leaned over the side of the chair to rummage through my bag.

"That's more like it, girl. Darius was on my ass this morning, you have no idea. He was so pissed when you left and he took it out on me majorly."

"I'm really sorry about that, Landen…I am…about everything. But leaving it behind now…maybe Darius won't even want to renew my contract again after all this," I joke as I pull my journal from my bag.

"Not likely. I think Darius is secretly terrified someone is going to sweep his precious artist right up from under his nose." Landen laughs as he turns away from me and towards his laptop.

"Well, we'll certainly see now won't we?" I quiz as I sit back up straight in my chair and slide closer to the soundboard.

"So we've completed about twelve tracks," Landen begins, typing and probing at his laptop, "Darius said he wants about thirteen or fourteen on the album, so we only have the two to record…and of course we could always just do more if you wanted to give him a bigger range to criticize,"

I laugh and nod my head, "Sounds good to me, I actually have a song I want to work on," I say as I begin to flip through my journal for a particular song. When I find it I stick my finger to hold the page in place and hand it over to Landen.

"Running with the devil," Landen reads the title out loud and stops then looks over at me, "Sounds interesting," he says and then scans the lyrics briefly.

"It's not quite finished yet," I interrupt briefly as I slide closer to him so that I can peer over his shoulder, "It seems to be missing something…like another verse or, I don't know…and some of the words fit but don't at the same time…so I could really use your input." I say, waiting for him to say something.

"This is really good, Jude," he says finally as he shifts in his chair and lifts his head to look at me, "Really good,"

"Thanks," I respond thankfully as I continue to glance down at the song, "I think I want it to say this instead here," I chime in as I pull a pen from my bag and cross out a line and replace it.

_Never calling anyone  
Feeling unloved  
Saying goodbye  
Life is better when you're high, never mind when you're there  
Cause they never play fair  
They never play fair_

Landen looks and then nods, "And then change this here," he mutters as he takes the pen from my hand and makes a change.

_Memories hurt even more when you burn  
Like you're walking on a tightrope having no hope  
Looking down for a face or smile  
You find it then, you fell_

"That looks good," I say over his shoulder and take the pen from him, "What about the end?...I kind of had this in my head," I say as I reach out and take the journal from his hands.

_It's okay, never really wanna stay where you staying  
When you really wanna run, run away  
When you want a break  
It's okay, when you really need to stay where you're staying  
When you really run, run away_

Landen sits backs in his chair after I sing the last part out loud softly and nods his head in approval. "I think Darius will love this," He says confidently and I feel a smile tug at the corners of my mouth.

"You think so?" I ask cheerfully, "Yeah, I think so. Let's do a rough run through of you singing it through before we get some musicians in here, how does that sound?" I slap my hands down on my thighs and push up from my chair.

"Sounds great, I have so much in mind for how I want this song to sound!" I exclaim, as Landen moves to escort me into the sound booth.

"I can't wait, I really think this is going to be amazing, I can already tell." He says with assurance before shutting the door behind me as I step into the sound booth.

As I step in front of the microphone, my mind is suddenly full of the inspirations behind the song. The good and the bad memories, all circling around Tommy Quincy—I place the headphones over my ears and sing with more feeling than I had ever put into any of my songs.

This one is for you Tom Quincy, wherever you are—you _are_ still in my heart.

**Song credit:** Alexz Johnson/Running with the devil


	13. Chapter Twelve Part I

**Okay so I decided to break this next chapter down into two parts--the first part being a tad shorter than my usual chapters, however, the continuing part will be longer, I promise. This part is sort of an introduction I'll say before the next part...so I do apologize for the shortened length, but it's more of a "filler" I suppose, setting you up for what's next but without giving too much away, also I stepped out of Jude's and Tommy's point of view just for this part, okay so now here's the first part of chapter twelve. Thanks for reading **

Chapter Twelve:

Part I

**A week later**

The thin manila envelope slapped down onto the counter before her causing her to glance down at it before she looked up to catch who had just set it there.

Reaching out and picking it up Sadie asked, "What is this?" as she stared blankly up at Kwest.

Kwest rested his hands against the counter and looked her square in the eye, "I found Quincy," He answered and watched Sadie's eyes widen before him, "When did you go looking for him?" she asked out of surprise. Kwest nodded down towards the envelope his girlfriend held in her manicured hands, "Just take a peak inside and I'll talk as you look,"

Sadie nodded and slowly opened the flap of the envelope, "A credit card receipt…" She trailed off and shifted her eyes back up to Kwest's for an explanation.

"Quincy's last purchase before falling off the face of the earth," Kwest said confidently. Sadie narrowed her eyes at him, still not quite understanding, and glanced down at the receipt in her hands, "Okay so what Kwest, this is a receipt for gas," She shrugged her shoulders and set the receipt down onto the counter.

"Take a second look…where was the purchase made?" Kwest questioned as he lifted the receipt from the counter and held it up to Sadie's face. Her eyes widened again for the second time in their conversation, "Syracuse? He drove to New York!" Sadie exclaimed, "If he's in New York why the hell hasn't he contacted Jude?" She suddenly asked, now slightly angry.

"Think about it Sades, he was probably initially going to go after Jude, but my next guess is that he knew he had a problem and that he needed to fix that before he saw her again. Syracuse was just a stop for a quick fill up half way to where he was intending to go. But he's no doubt in New York, just not there to see Jude yet," Kwest continued to explain slowly,

"So he's…" Sadie paused and pondered for a moment, "In rehab," Kwest finished for her.

"Oh my god, I have to call Jude!" She shouted, "I have to let her know he's okay, that he's there—"

Kwest took hold of Sadie's hand and stopped her from picking up her phone, "I had a feeling you might want to do that, but I don't think that's the best idea Sades. Just let her know that he's okay; don't tell her that he's in rehab or where he's at. Just let her know he's safe, and I'll take care of the rest." Kwest promised.

Sadie frowned and waited for Kwest to release her hand, "I can't lie to my sister about this," She said hesitantly.

"This isn't so much about Jude right now Sades, I mean it is…but there's a bigger picture, Quincy getting better; he needs that before anything else, without any of us interfering more than I already have, but I need to make sure that's really what he wants first before acting differently. I'm going to go pay Quincy a visit," He stated.

"How do you even know where he is exactly?" Sadie questioned, "I did some looking into the different rehab centers out there, and narrowed it down to the place I'm sure Quincy went to. I'm going to go out there in a couple of days and drop in on him and see what he has to say, see how he's doing, and then head over to see Jude; her showcase is coming up soon."

"I wanted to go to that too, but now that you've dropped this bomb on me, I'm not sure I can look my sister in the face and not tell her, so yeah…you can go alone. I will call Jude and tell her that he's okay, nothing more." She promised.

"Thanks Sades. I have a few things to take care of before I take off, but I'll leave you to call your sister okay?" He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on top of her head.

Sadie smiled and whispered, "Okay," and watched Kwest walk away before she turned in her chair and looked over at the telephone. Releasing a sigh she reached out and lifted the phone from the stand, placed it against her ear and hesitantly began dialing Jude's cell phone. It rang three times, four times, and Sadie was almost ready to just hang up and try again later—but then, Jude answered.


	14. Chapter Twelve Part II

**Here's the second part of chapter twelve. The song used is called "Monster" and it's by Meg & Dia. Enjoy **

Chapter Twelve:

Part II

**JUDE**

The instant I felt my phone vibrating in my back pocket I immediately became distracted. Shooting Landen a pleading "forgive me" look I stopped singing and reached behind my back to pull my phone out.

"This better be important, Landen looks like he's going to kill me," I spoke lightly into the phone, shooting a smile in Landen's direction.

"Oh, I'd say it's pretty important," Sadie replied back, the sense of humor lacking in her voice, "What is it?" I asked, lowering my voice as I turned away from the microphone.

"I have some…good news," Sadie said hesitantly, "If it's good news why did you say it like that?" I asked skeptically.

I listen as Sadie breathes heavily into the phone, hear her false start as she opens her mouth to say something but stops herself before actually answering me, "Tommy's alright," she says finally.

I freeze and run my tongue along my bottom lip, "How do you know?" I ask, almost inaudibly.

Sadie takes a long pause once before she responds to me, "Let's just say Kwest told me," I narrow my eyes and say, "And let's just say you're totally hiding something from me," I accuse while stepping out of the sound booth.

Landen looks at me, trying to read my face, and I can tell by the way he's looking at me that he's asking with his eyes if I want him to leave the room. I nod in response to his silent question and watch him leave the studio while I wait for Sadie to speak again.

"I'm not hiding anything from you Jude, that's all Kwest told me okay?" Sadie asks, growing somewhat defensive. I sigh, "I really wish you didn't lie to me Sades. He's not really okay is he?"

"No Jude, he's really fine, I promise," Sadie says with assurance. I sigh again, "I still feel like you're keeping something from me but I'll let it slide…for now," I laugh softly and take a seat in my chair in front of the soundboard.

I hear Sadie release a sigh of relief, knowing she just dodged a bullet, "So, are you excited for the showcase?" She asks, changing the subject.

I smile softly against my phone, "Um I'm excited and nervous. I'll be free from G-Major soon, that's kind of scary to think about too, I never thought the day would come," I laugh again as I lean back comfortably in the chair.

"Oh please, we both know you'll end up coming right back," Sadie says matter-of-factly.

"I'm not so sure about that Sades," I breathe out, "You say that now, trust me, you'll come back," she says.

"We'll see," I mumble, "Anyways, are you coming to my showcase?" I question while spinning in slow circles in my chair.

"Um, about that," Sadie begins, "I uh, have some stuff to do here and I can't get away, but Kwest will be coming out for it. He said he'll tape it for me," she laughs.

"Well at least I'll be able to pester the truth out of one of you," I joke, knowing Kwest would never talk. Sadie laughs again, "There's nothing to pester out of him," I know she's lying though.

"If you say so, there's no harm in trying though," I say confidently, "Well good luck with that, and the showcase little sis, you'll do great," She says with assurance. I smile and reply, "Thanks Sades take care. I'll talk to you later, love you," I wait for my sister to say "I love you too," and then end our call.

****

**TOMMY**

**A few days later**

I'm lying on my back on the cardboard of a mattress they've provided for sleeping on, hands tucked beneath my head; completely wide awake. This place was proving to be lonelier as the days passed by slowly—especially during the night; I had no idea what to do with myself. I spent the first week here just trying to make it through, most of which was spent clutching a toilet bowl throughout the night before climbing into bed and fighting to fall asleep. How had it gotten to this point? How did I go from one place and end up in this situation now? But I sought out help and I'm here now until I'm better.

I hear foot steps outside of my door in the hall which causes me to break from my thoughts as I shift my head in the direction of my closed bedroom door. I can see a shadow pacing back and forth beneath the crack of the door. Shoving my covers from off of my body I slowly get out of bed and creep towards the door. Quietly I pull it back and find Prudence standing there, staring back at me like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Prudence?" I whisper surprised as I look around the hall to see if anyone else is out in the hallway, "What the hell are you doing up and pacing outside of my room?" I ask, and watch as she slides passed me and into my bedroom. Already knowing this could more or less be a bad idea; I sigh and slowly push the door closed behind her.

"I couldn't sleep," she says skittishly as she begins to pace my room. I run a hand through my messy bed head and look over at her, "Why, is something bothering you?" I ask as I move across the room and sit down on the edge of my bed.

Prudence stops moving and takes a seat on the bed across from mine where my roommate would be sleeping if I had one yet.

"Tomorrow is a visiting day…and my mom is coming," She answers nervously as she lowers her eyes to the floor.

"Shouldn't you be happy about that?" I ask, rising from my bed and walking across the room, "You'd think so. But my mom isn't like how a mom should be," she whispers as I lower myself down beside her on the bed.

"What do you mean?"

She continues, "She's part of the reason I'm here Tommy…part of the reason why I even started…" She pauses and looks down at her arms, "Why you cut?" I ask cautiously, referring only to what I had seen a week ago.

She nods, "Yeah, I'm sorry I ran away from you last week when you asked. I don't like to talk about it much, I've only said it out loud once and that was to Mackenzie,"

"When did you start?" I ask, "About a year and a half ago. I was thirteen, a few months away from turning fourteen, and my mom…she had married this guy…" She paused briefly, "Greg raped me," she spoke almost inaudibly and all I could do was sit there completely shocked and silent.

"I didn't tell my mom about it when it first happened because Greg had me convinced that she wouldn't believe me, that she would take his side," I watched her as she spoke quietly and as the tears slowly started to fall from her eyes, "he kept doing it for months before I finally got the courage up to tell my mom, and when I did…he had been right, she didn't believe. She called me a liar and hit me, and shouted at me for trying to take away her happiness," She wiped her face, "After that I locked myself in my room and cut myself for the first time, completely on impulse, and then it began to feel good, better than facing what was going on. When I turned fourteen I started doing drugs, anything and everything you can think of, I tried it. And a few months ago, I overdosed…and now I'm here."

I looked over at this innocent, fifteen year old girl, who had been through more than I had been through in just a few short years of her life.

"God, Prudence, I'm sorry," I finally manage to say, "I can see why you don't want to see your mother,"

"And she'll probably be stupid enough to bring him," She shudders and looks at me, "Do you have your guitar up here?" She asks, catching me off guard.

"Yeah," I say as I lift up from the bed, "Let me grab it," I walk over to the other end of my bedroom and step inside of my closet. Soon I emerge with my acoustic guitar in hand and make my way back over to Prudence.

"Here," I hand her the guitar and step backwards towards my bed and sit down to watch her from across the room.

She begins to strum the strings on the guitar softly and a few seconds later, her voice begins to fill the room.

_His little whispers "Love me, love me."  
That's all I ask for "Love me, love me"  
He battered his tiny fists to feel something  
Wondered what it's like to touch and feel something_

_Monster, how should I feel?  
Creatures lie here  
Looking through the windows_

The innocence and the pain in her voice broke his heart, but kept him listening intently to what she had to say.

_That night he caged her  
Bruised and broke her  
He struggled closer  
Then he stole her  
Violet wrists and then her ankles  
Silent Pain_

_Monster, how should I feel? Creatures lie here  
Looking through the windows  
I will, hear their voices  
I'm a glass child  
I am Hannah's regret_

When she was finished she set the guitar down against the edge of the bed and wiped away a few more tears.

"Is Hannah your mother?" I asked slowly, not wanting to ask her anything that would make her too uncomfortable, "Yeah, that'd be her. I'm really not looking forward to tomorrow, and I really hope she doesn't bring him with her," She whispers as she pushes up from the bed.

She makes her way over towards the bedroom door, "I should get back to my room before I get you in trouble or something. I just needed to get out for a bit and clear my head. Thanks for letting me play my song," She thanked me and reached out for the door knob.

"It'll be okay," I said, before she turned the knob and stepped out of my room, closing the door behind her.

**The next morning**

After not getting much sleep the night before I was out of bed and dressed pretty early. I made my way downstairs just in time to see a small group of people entering the building—who I guessed were the visitors of the patients. I immediately wondered if any of the faces in the crowd were Prudence's mom and that Greg guy; maybe they just wouldn't show. I felt kind of bummed that no one knew where I was, a fresh face could probably do me some good. Almost as soon as I thought that, I spotted Kwest as I entered the guest lounge.

"You look surprised to see me," Kwest said with a grin on his face as he pushed up from the table he was leaning against.

"Yeah man, a little. How did you—"he cut in, "I hired an investigator and then did a little investigating of my own, and here I am," He said, "Well it's good to see you man," I say as I grab his hand and pull him into a brief hug and pull back, "Wait…does Jude—" "No, she doesn't know where you are…I told Sadie just to tell her that you were okay until I talked to you and you told me differently. We all thought you were dead or something man,"

I nod in the direction of an empty table and Kwest and I move over to it and took a seat. "I'm sorry about that," I say apologetically as I look across the table at him, "Why did you choose New York man?" Kwest asks, "Just to be close to her?" He throws in.

I shift in my chair, "I guess you could say that. I don't even know how long she's going to be in New York, but because of me she probably won't go back to Toronto, so I figured once I got out of here, I'd give seeing her a shot. I didn't want her to see me a mess again," I explain.

"But wanted us all to think you were dead?"

I sigh, "I didn't want you guys to think I was dead, I just thought it'd be better to just go and do this on my own," I say.

"I understand that. So you don't want Jude to know where you are or what you're doing?" He asks, "Right, I'll see her again when my time here is done, whether she's still in New York or back in Toronto when it's through, I will."

"Alright man, well she knows you're okay and that's all that matters I guess. Let's just hope Landen doesn't make anymore moves and Jude doesn't let him again," My face turns to disgust, "Ew don't even remind me. I don't really blame her for it when I actually sat back and thought about it, it hurt, but she didn't deserve to be treated how I treated her. And I'll show her that when I'm out of here," I assured him.

"Good man, it looks like you're doing alright. Are your withdrawals really bad?" Kwest questions, "Not too bad, no. I throw up here and there and have trouble sleeping sometimes, but nothing too unbearable," I answer, "That's really good man, I'm proud of you. Jude would be too if she knew what you were doing," He tells me, "I don't know Kwest, it may be a little too late,"

"It's never too late," He says as he pushes up from the table. "Leaving so soon?" I ask as I rise up too, "Yeah, I have to drive another four hours into the city, its Jude's showcase today and I don't want to miss it. Plus I have to stop in and see her before it. I'm taping it for Sadie; I'll make you a copy and send it your way,"

"Thanks Kwest, I'd appreciate that,"

"And don't worry I won't tell Jude where you are no matter how much she pesters me. I'll just let her know you're safe. And don't worry," he pauses as he approaches the door, "You and Jude always find your way back to each other in the end," and with that he was gone.

**

* * *

**

**JUDE  
**

I was only hours away from doing my showcase—and I was freaking out! Landen and I had finished off the last bit of my album last night, so this was all I had left to do; and then where did I go from here? As of tomorrow I'll officially be released from G-Major and unsigned, unless I went back to Toronto and resigned; but I wouldn't give Darius the satisfaction of being right that quickly. So I guess, I'll just ride it out from here and see where this takes me.

The faint knock outside of the dressing room door catches my attention as my head snaps in its direction.

"Come in," I murmur, honestly just expecting it to be Landen, but when the door creeks open I see Kwest and light up.

"Hey stranger!" I shout as I jump out of my chair and rush over to him, "Hey Harrison," He says in response as he pulls me into a hug, "God it's so good to see a familiar face that isn't just Landen," I laugh as he releases me from his arms and gives me a look over.

"You cut your hair, wow…and…are you eating Jude?" He questions, looking instantly concerned. "Yeah, I cut my hair and I'm eating just fine Kwest I promise," He looks at me skeptically, trying to see if I'm lying. I roll my eyes at him, "I eat!" I shout and laugh, "I've just been working really hard out here these past couple of weeks,"

He nods understandingly at me and then smiles, "Well you got the album finished, congrats kid, I can't wait to hear it," he exclaims as I motion him over to the couch and offer him a seat.

"Yeah, it's all done, I'm proud of how its turned out. Now I just need to get through this and see where it leads me," I say as I plop down onto the couch beside him.

"You'll figure it all out, you'll end up where you were meant to be," I smile, "Are you getting all philosophical on me?" I ask with a soft laugh, "No, just speaking what I know," He assures, "Speaking of knowing something, where is Quincy?" I can see my sudden question catches him off guard and he quickly pushes up from the couch.

"Sadie told you Jude, he's safe,"

I push up from the couch and place my hands on my hips, "That doesn't say much Kwest,"

"I know, but you can stop beating yourself up worrying about him,"

I shake my head, "How do I know that? The only thing I know for certain is that he hates me," I announce out loud as I saunter over to the mirror.

Kwest appears behind me and looks me right in the eye from the mirror, "You know he could never hate you. You just have to have more faith. And just know that he doesn't Jude…he said some things he most definitely regrets, I know…but he doesn't hate you. He needs to work some things out before he faces you again,"

I release a deep breath and close my eyes, "I hope you're right,"

Kwest steps away from behind me and begins to make his way towards the door, "Just don't give up on him Jude," he pulls the door open, "good luck tonight," and with that he exited the dressing room.


	15. Chapter Thirteen

**Sorry for the long wait on the chapter guys...I had gotten a bit stuck but gathered all my thoughts together and now I'm not stuck anymore, thank goodness. Um, this chapter isn't too long so I'll say it's more like a "filler" for the next chapter. Hope you like, thanks for reading!**

Chapter Thirteen:

**TOMMY**

After Kwest left I spotted Prudence stomping out of the lounge towards the back deck of the Center. Instinctively I searched the room in the direction in which she had been coming from and spotted who I thought to be her mom. There was a man at her side and immediately I knew it was Greg. Was this woman serious?

Shaking my head in shame I followed the same route Prudence had taken out to the deck moments before. When I stepped outside I spotted her sitting on the wooden banister, wiping away at her eyes.

"Want to talk about it…" I asked, approaching her slowly. She glanced up at me in a sad manner before lowering her eyes to her lap, "I…not really…" came her muffled response.

Cautiously I moved closer, leaving a small gap in between, and took a seat beside her on the banister. It wasn't long before she retracted her statement and started talking, "She actually fucking brought him here. Can you believe it?" I offered an apologetic look as she continued, "Are people really that stupid Tommy? Somewhere deep down inside of her she has to know that I wasn't lying…I'm her daughter," she sobbed out, "I was a good kid before him…she has to remember that," she continued before burying her face in her hands.

I moved closer to her on the banister and warmly set my hand upon her shoulder, "It's just…hard for people to face the truth sometimes I guess," I whispered. I felt Prudence shift away from me then, "She brought him here and stood beside him loyally while he smiled crookedly at me…I'm supposed to go back home to that," she said before continuing in a bare whisper with, "I'd rather die,"

I paused; I didn't know what to say to her, "Prudence…" she wiped at her eyes again, "Please don't say anything. I'm fine," she insisted as she hopped down from the banister.

"Dear Prudence, let me see you smile," I began to sing obnoxiously, hoping that maybe, just maybe she'd crack a smile and even maybe laugh.

"Oh god," she said, practically pleading for me to stop, and then I saw the faint hint of a smile form on her lips, "You're not very original Quincy…I bet you always used to say 'hey Jude' to Jude," she laughed briefly before her face relaxed into an emotionless expression.

I smiled as I hopped down from the banister as well, "Hey, it gained a smile from you," I said proudly as I gently poked her in the cheek.

Slapping my hand away she cracked a smile again, "Yeah, yeah…" Someone cleared their throat in the doorway then which caused Prudence and I to turn and look, "Breakfast is ready you two," Mackenzie announced and Prudence and I nodded our heads in unison as we made our way towards the door where Mackenzie stood.

Prudence stopped before she stepped back inside, "Did my mom leave?" she asked cautiously. Mackenzie nodded her head and I heard Prudence release a heavy sigh of relief before she finally stepped forward and made her way back into the Center with us.

**JUDE**

I move my mouth closer to the microphone and politely thank the room full of people that showed up for my showcase before taking hold of my guitar and making my way from the stage. The night had gone way better than I had ever imagined and surprisingly all the nerves that I had prior to going on all went away the moment I stepped onto the stage—and now it was over.

Landen was waiting for me in the back of the lounge near the bar, as I made my way through the crowd of people, almost every one of them stopping me as I went. When I finally reached him he was grinning from ear to ear as he extended a champagne glass out to me.

I smirked and cocked my head, but before I could say anything Landen spoke first, "It's sparkling cider, we don't need a repeat of last week…besides, you're not quite twenty-one yet, I can't supply you with alcohol," I laughed and took the glass from him.

"You did great up there tonight," he congratulated me while I sipped away at my non-alcoholic beverage—which later would totally be alcoholic when I celebrated with Kat.

I smiled and responded with a, "Thank you," as Kwest approached me from behind, momentarily startling me.

When I turned to meet his gaze his face was plastered with one of the biggest grins I had ever seen, "Great job super star, your sister will be proud," he told me as he pulled me into a hug.

"Thanks for coming Kwest, it was so good to see a fresh face from back home," immediately after saying that I thought of Tommy, and as I stepped out of Kwest's arms, he must have picked up on that, "Just remember what I told you," he said as he shot me a serious look.

I smiled and nodded my head, "I will. How long are you staying in town?" I asked, as I sat my glass down onto the bar beside Landen.

"I'm planning on leaving first thing in the morning, if your sister doesn't call me and insist I get back by tonight," we both laughed, "I'm sure she'll give you until morning," I teased, "Yeah. Well, you go out and celebrate, Harrison, you earned it. A lot of good things are coming your way," I beamed at him, "You're really sweet Kwest, thanks again for coming," I hugged him one last time before we said our goodbyes and he departed from the lounge.

When I turned around to face Landen again he was pulling something out of the inside of his tux as he pushed up from the bar. I narrowed my eyes when a thin layer of papers caught my eyes, "What's that?" I questioned.

"Well you know…tomorrow, technically you're officially released from G-Major…Darius however, faxed over this contract this morning hoping that you'd resign, but your album is done and you really have no further obligation to him," he explained as he handed me the contract, "Darius is a smart man…although I think he anticipated for your album to release earlier in the year and then you'd still be his artist and you could promote it and stuff, but as of tomorrow anyone could snatch you up," as Landen continued talking I glanced down at the contract, "Would you be interested in possibly signing with Capital?"

My head shot up. These people didn't waste any time. He was offering me a chance to sign with a major label in the States, though I'm sure there had to be some sort of catch to it; I mean he did work for them.

"Capital wants me?"

He smiled and nodded, "They've had their eyes on your for a while now Jude, and some of the big execs where here tonight along with many other companies,"

Wow, I didn't know what to say. Did I want to stay in New York and sign with a major label, or did I want to return back to Toronto and everything I knew there?

I released a sigh, "I'll um…think about it and get back to you," I said carefully. Landen nodded in understanding, "Absolutely. Take your time. Go out and celebrate now. You deserve it," with a tight squeeze to my shoulder Landen left me standing at the bar.

**TOMMY**

Prudence sat across from me at the table in the cafeteria, hardly touching any of her breakfast and uttering a single word to me since we came inside.

"Anything else you want to talk about?" I asked, hoping that maybe she would want to talk some more instead of closing herself off.

Slowly she lifted her head, "No, not really," she then began to push up from the table, taking her tray with her as she went.

I watched her set her tray down near the pick up station and disappear entirely from the cafeteria. Sighing I pushed up from the table and dropped my tray off at the same place before slipping into the guest lounge. I had assumed, and actually hoped that maybe Prudence would be out there sitting at the piano, like she usually did when she was upset to clear her mind.

"She went to her room. She said she wanted to be alone," Mackenzie chimed in from behind me. I turned and stared blankly at her, "She has really taken to you Tommy,"

I frowned, "Hardly. Just when I think I can reach her and get her to see that she's worth something, she shuts me out again,"

Mackenzie offered a friendly smile as she placed her hand on my back and patted it briefly, "She'll let you in more soon. I think she really looks up to you," she pulled her hand away from my back and excused herself as she made her way out of the lounge.

I really hoped Mackenzie was right. But sometimes, in the rare occasions that Prudence would speak out freely in group sessions, and to me in private, some of the things she said scared me. And when she had spoken to me before breakfast, something inside of me had become unsettled.


	16. Chapter Fourteen Part I

Sorry for the long delay on updating this everyone. I had hit a minor blockage point and couldn't work my way out of it for a while, but I've finally gotten everything worked out and the next couple of chapters should flow out pretty smoothly. This will be the first part of Chapter Fourteen, it was written more so with the intentions to wet your appetite before the next installment. So without further ado I give you Chapter Fourteen. I hope you enjoy, and thanks goes out to everyone who has reviewed this, it means a lot - Tani

Chapter Fourteen:

Part I

**TOMMY**

If you would have asked me a couple of weeks ago where I thought I'd be now, my answer wouldn't have been rehab, quite honestly my response probably would have been "dead." Luckily, that hasn't been the case. If it hadn't been for Kwest talking some sense into me that second response definitely would have been a lot more likely.

When I first had arrived at _Clear View_ I honestly didn't see it helping me in the least, but reflecting on it now, I see that it has. The things I've discovered in myself just over the past months have been such a huge revelation. The people I have come to know, their stories are so inspiring, and the help I have received so far in just this short amount of time has been extraordinary.

Then of course there's Prudence, aka Jukebox, the girl with the broken soul who has such a promising future, one in which she can't even see for herself. When I first met Prudence she was so stubborn, and I must admit she still is, I had seen so much in her that reminded me of Jude, and after getting to know her better I got to see she had her own remarkable qualities. I just wish she knew how incredible she really was, and all that her life could have in store for her. But of course she didn't have that kind of support system. Her mother was certainly more concerned with the fact that she had a new husband, she no longer cared about her child. Somehow I stepped in and attempted to fill that void, that place where her support system was lacking, and do everything I could within in my power to convince her that she was worth something.

Sadly, despite my efforts, it didn't prevent Prudence from attempting to take her own life again.

For the remainder of the day I allowed Prudence the space she had requested, but once night fell and other patients filed into their rooms for the evening for lights out, I crept down the halls of the Center and made my way to her room.

_From outside the door I could see the faintest lighting beneath the crack of the door. I made the assumption then that perhaps she had already gone to sleep, maybe even fell asleep with her lamp on. Still something seemed a bit off. I reached out and tapped lightly on the door with two fingers and stood unmoving for the slightest sound, any indication that she was awake and would tell me to come in. I stood there for a minute longer, even knocked a few more times, and finally decided to try the knob to see if it was locked. It turned with ease, and I found myself entering her bedroom._

_The room was completely empty when I stepped in, her bed untouched. The bathroom light peered through brightly from the open door and I found myself drawn towards it. Slowly I made my way to the open door and once I rounded the corner and caught sight of what was inside, I stopped cold where I stood._

_For a moment I didn't know how to react. What was I supposed to do? Prudence lay unmoving on the bathroom tiles, surrounded by her own blood. My eyes darted quickly around the bathroom, taking in little details. A folded piece of paper sat on top of the toilet, a pen placed neatly beside it…a bloody object beside her. I dropped to my knees to get a closer look at her. Frantically I placed my head to her chest to see whether or not she was still breathing. When I felt her chest rise slightly against the side of my face I pushed up from the floor and fled out of her bedroom._

_I made it to Mackenzie's sleeping corridor in record timing. Relentlessly I banged on her door until she finally opened it irritably._

_"It's late! What do—"she paused when she caught site of my clothing, the blood, and then her entire demeanor changed, "Oh my god, what happened?" she said, quickly expressing concern as she stepped out into the hallway and began examining me for wounds._

_"It's not me…it's…its Prudence. She's hurt…she's unconscious," I breathed out and watched as Mackenzie stepped away from me turning briefly to reach inside of her room where she slapped her hand against the wall before she began rushing with me back down the hall to Prudence's room._

_"I've alerted for help," she breathed out as we finally reached Prudence's room and where met by Kimberly and Ernie._

_"Help is on the way. Ernie you make sure everyone remains calm when they get here. Kimberly you stay down in the lobby and wait…I'll be down in a minute," she paused and turned to me, "Tommy…talk to her. She may be out of it but try talking to her keep her with us," everything after that was a blur._

_I hardly remember Mackenzie leaving me in the bathroom with Prudence. I can slightly remember lowering myself back onto the floor beside her, not caring if I continued to be soaked with her blood._

_Taking her hand into mine I began to sing softly:_

_**Dear Prudence, won't you come out to play**_

_**Dear Prudence, greet the brand new day**_

_**The sun is up, the sky is blue**_

_**It's beautiful and so are you**_

_**Dear Prudence won't you come out to play**_

_**Dear Prudence open up your eyes**_

_**Dear Prudence see the sunny skies**_

_**The wind is low the birds will sing**_

_**That you are part of everything**_

_**Dear Prudence won't you open up your eyes?**_

_She had to open up her eyes. She had to be okay. She just had to be. There was too much promise, so much life left for her to live for this to be it. Be okay, please be okay._

_Now I believe I'm getting a dose of what Jude must've felt. Completely helpless and unsure of what was to come next. All I can do is pray and hope for the best, and watch it all unfold._

*****Song: "Dear Prudence" The Beatles


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